Letting Go of The Guilt

Posted: February 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

 guilt

–noun

1.

the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.

2.

a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

3.

conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: to live a life of guilt.

While everyone has guilt over certain decisions/choices/whatever, I truly believe women have more guilt than men. It’s all part of how we’re raised, as people pleasers.

Or maybe that’s just me? Who knows.

Saturday in the early afternoon I was (dancing around) in my kitchen, making myself a (fantastically amazing) bowl of peanut butter oats and some egg whites to eat before my workout. I had my ipod on (I really need to get some speakers for that thing) and my singing along to it was probably the reason Fritz was hiding in “the cat cave”.

The cat cave... under my couch

I started thinking about all the things I feel GUILTY about… but why? What’s the point of the negative thoughts running through my head. I was SO happy and peaceful. For once I didn’t feel a weight on my shoulders about ANYTHING really. I felt completely at peace with the choices I have made, not just in regards to prep, but life in general.

Self Guilt Trip #1:

Friday I decided for my high carb day Saturday I wanted French toast. Sadly my favorite sprouted grain bread doesn’t fit into my everyday macros the way I would like, so spending 5$ on a loaf of bread seemed a little silly to me. While wandering the grocery store that night I came across something and had a fantastic idea.

Enter fiber plus blueberry Eggo waffles…. Made into French toast.

Delicious!

I lightly toasted the waffles, soaked them in egg whites and cooked them like plain old French toast. I ate one with an over easy egg mushed up on it and the other with sugar free jam. Looking at the plate it was not exactly something a lot of “traditionalists” would eat during prep, but since I don’t have a list of “good/bad” foods, the meal fit perfectly into my macros it was good to go. Why let any of the deliciousness be taken away by the guilt of this not being “perfect, whole foods”. Yes, the waffles came from a box, but who really cares?

Not this chick.

Enter self guilt trip #2.

I love prep. Yup, there I said it. I love the meal planning, the cooking, the workouts, the cardio, the changes that come with it all. Mentally and physically I feel BETTER in prep than I do in my off season.

I dont even mind road trips during prep!

I often read journals, articles, stories and hear people talk about how miserable they are in prep. Low calories, tons of cardio, the mental ups and downs. Those feelings hit me on occasion, but I thrive on the bad along with the good. Having a bad day? Well it’s all in my head, push through, it’ll get better.

It always does.

Why let myself feel like a freak of nature of loving this process? Why not embrace it, use my love for this sport to my advantage and kill it. Having the goals and drive that I do should be a good thing, not a “well why do I feel this way when a lot of others don’t?” moment.

Guilt Trip #3:

This isn’t something I talk about much on my blog, or well… ever. But dating. It must have been mid January I quit dating.

Yes, I legit quit dating. I cleared out number in my phone, stopped looking, stopped trying. I’m going to be 27 in a couple of months and while the thought of “still” being single scares me, I am honestly sick of dating the wrong guys…. Just to have someone. Normally leading up to a trip home I would be looking, just to have someone, something that I could mention when people back home start on the “you’re single?!?!?!” talk.

This time I wanted nothing to do with it. I’ve learned a lot and it’s been interesting to say the least. It feels oddly freeing and amazing, and I’m 100% okay with going home and saying “you know what, I am single. And no, there is no one at all. And I’m quite content and happy living that way”.

I’m not going to feel guilty and bad for taking care of myself first. For waiting for someone who is the right person, who will accept my competing and lifestyle. I don’t want to feel bad every time I have to explain why I’m single, I just want to enjoy it! Because I DO!

Guilt Trip #4:

Loving my lifestyle. Completely As Is.

  • Do I care that I rent and not own my apartment? Nope.
  • Do I care that I spend a lot of my free time alone, on the couch, running errands, whatever? Nope.
  • Do I care that I choose to go home to New Brunswick for vacations instead of somewhere “fun”? Nope.
  • Do I care that I choose to live “differently” than most people? Nope.

That’s right folks. I’m done with the guilt. I’m choosing to accept me for who I am, my choices as no one’s but my own. I’m owning MY life and not making excuses for why I am the way I am, why I live the way I do or do the things I do.

Being a gym geek is just who i am!

Hopefully people will see how I am happy in my choices and my life and will therefore accept it. But if they don’t? Well you know what, that’s no one’s problem but their own. Bye bye guilt. I don’t need you anymore.

What silly things do you feel guilty for?

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Comments
  1. Jess says:

    I love this post!
    I feel guilty about eating sweets from time to time, taking naps, and a bunch of other dumb things.

  2. Amanda says:

    I agree with Jess, great post!
    I feel guilty about not having the same will power off season as I do when I’m pre-contest.

  3. Sarah says:

    Such a great post! I agree that women do feel more guilt than men, I think society places a lot of pressure on women in general to live up to that “perfect” standard. It’s just wrong.

    Gosh, I feel guilty if I eat to many carbs (go over my macros!) which is silly because I’m not even in prep (although I hope to do a comp sooon!)

  4. Alina says:

    I really loved this post! I started making a list, but then I realized I don’t feel too guilty about anything because it’s all fine. It’s just the way things are right now. The way things are is the only way they are supposed to be at this moment and I accept that.

    I’ve noticed women are far more likely than men to experience guilt as well.

  5. You are seriously awesome girl. I do feel woman have more guilt then men. In fact, I have ten times more guilt about everything. You are so fabulous and should no guilt for anything. French toast style waffles? Hell yes.

  6. allieksmith says:

    This post is awesome and you are awesome :) You should never feel guilty if you are happy with your life! You go girllllllll!

  7. Love it. Living differently is always the best way to do go for your own personal happiness. Just check out the quote on the top of my blog. I am the same way and for a while didn’t believe living differently was ok but like you…I also let go of my fears and guilt and accepted what I have and love.

    Keep it up girl. You’re on the right track to your happiness. We all love you…even though were not in the same state or even country!

  8. Great post – and good for you for being nothing but who you are.

    On this end, I feel guilty when I break from routine – food or exercise – even when it’s out my control. But I’m working on it.

  9. This is great, afterall, doing what you want will ultimately make you the happiest!!!

  10. Dotsie says:

    Oh geez…glad you’re not feeling guilty over those things anymore! I definitely wouldn’t. Live your life the way YOU want to.

  11. kathleen says:

    aw man. i feel guilty at the end of each day. mostly about how much more stuff i should’ve gotten done but didn’t. oh and never fails. when you officially quit dating you usually meet someone. happened to me.

  12. I feel guilty when I leave my dog home alone in the morning when I’m going to work. It sounds so ridiculous, but I feel guilty. I don’t think it’s strange that you like prep. If you hated it it would be weird. Why do something if you don’t enjoy it. Go girl! Love it!

  13. Kari says:

    Awesome post! I love this message!

  14. Lexi says:

    I’m always battling exercise guilt. Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty. It’s a vicious cycle!

  15. marlopnwgirl says:

    I dont really feel guilty for much anymore.. Maybe shopping to much? I love clothes.. and i work for one of the most badass retail stores ever.. so it kinda eats me alive somedays.. Must… learn.. self.. control..

  16. um. just found your blog. LOVE it. you are an inspiration, girl!

  17. […] post on food guilt is one I think is worth a read if you’re a new reader/missed it the first time around. It does go […]

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