I’m Not the Fat Kid Anymore!

Posted: December 4, 2010 in Uncategorized

…. Srsly, that’s what I feel like I should be screaming right now.

Yeahhhhhh… Where did this come from?

I mentioned the other day a very random facebook message from a girl I went to middle school with. Way back when I was 200+ lbs, out of shape, miserable, sick…. yeah, we all know the blah blah blah that goes with being very overweight/obese.

It's mega blurry.... but you get the picture of how I looked in middle school

I left the Maritimes 7 1/2 years ago (I’m oldddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and haven’t really kept in touch with a lot of people. I actually see people out that I knew my entire life when I go home and have on several occassions said hello and gotten a blank stare back.

Yes, I know I look different, but REALLY?!?!

Grade 12.... Whoa.

It’s not exactly a secret that somedays I still look in the mirror and see the girl in those old photos. Honestly, I dont know if I’ll ever completely “get over” feeling that way or seeing myself that way. Yeah sure, I’m “tiny” now, but I really think in a way, losing THAT much weight is kind of like losing a limb, you get phantom pains.

Even on show day I probably still saw myself as.... "big"

Anyway, back to my point. I got this message. (Wow, do I ever go off on tangents….)

The first line “You are an inspiration”.

I really didnt know how to respond. It’s not something I hear everyday, but it still weirds me out for some reason becuase I dont see it like that. It’s usually accompanied by something about willpower and strength and the typical Shape magazine transformation story blah blah blah. You know, health scare, death in the family, etc etc.

Um, Let’s just get it out of the way. I wanted to be hot. I think if I heard the line “….but you have such a pretty face” one more time I was going to scream. I didn’t want to be a pretty face, wanted to be the hot chick.

Yes, I was sick and tired of well, being sick and tired. I wanted to be healthy and happy and all that blah blah, but yeah, I wanted to be the girl with the body.

I wanted to be THIS girl.... not the miserable, unhappy "girl with the pretty face"

So where am I going with this you ask (okay, I’m asking myself this too)…. I woke up this morning for checkin. I unburied my scale. I turned it on and stepped on. What flashes on the screen??! A giant “error”. Yeah, that should have been a sign. I reseted it and….

Yes I’m down, No I’m not down to where I hoped to be. I automatically wanted to beat myself up and just be a bum. Oddly I didnt want to eat off plan and just say “&^%$ it” like I normally would (hey, baby steps. I’ll take it), so I made myself my breakfast and flopped down on the couch to check my email. After that I signed onto facebook and…. yeah. This is where I get totally uncool.

Bottom row, Middle picture.... it's MEEEEEEEEEE

A photo posted by a friend from Inside Fitness magazine. My name isn’t mentioned, if you didn’t know to look for me you’d never know I’m there, but I know it’s there.

That’s right, Me, Becca…. the former fat kid…. has her picture in a FITNESS magazine…

I’d take a picture of my happy, kind of weeping excited face right now but I’m pretty sure no one needs to see me when I just wake up.

HOW FRICKIN COOL IS THAT?!?!?!

Okay. I’m done.

So yes, while I’m not where I “want” to be. I may not have lost X amount of weight, but I was on track this entire week. Nothing added, nothing missing, workouts on, cardio on. I was ON. I know I have a crap ton of work ahead of me to accomplish all the goals I set out for myself, but I need to stop thinking of myself like I was 15 years ago. (omg I’m old).

And with saying one last thing, I am off to the running room to try on sneaks and then hit up the gym for legs .

The former fat kid is in Inside Fitness Magazine! AHAHAHHAHA Take THAT to all the mean kids and boys who didnt like me!

….. Officially done being uncool (for today)… for real this time.

Happy Saturday everyone!

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Comments
  1. It’s pretty darn cool that your shot’s in a fitness mag. Good for you!

    I agree that even after losing all the weight the past is still with you – but I see it as my friendly reminder of what I don’t want to be EVER again.

    Regardless of how much work is ahead of you to get to your goals…you’ve already proven that you have the chops to make it. And that’s gotta be satisfying. Ciao

  2. You look awesome girl. I can completely understand about having those flashbacks-they happen to me all the time.

  3. How cool is that that you’re in that magazine!?! You ARE an inspiration. Believe it.

  4. jen says:

    coming from someone who is over 200lbs right now, you are an inspiration!!!

    Jen

  5. Just found your blog. Really like your funny style. When working out so hard, we need to keep it light sometimes! And what great results you’ve made. Keep up the great work.

  6. allieksmith says:

    You are in a fitness magazine!!!!!!! Wahoo!!! That is SOOO cool!!!! 🙂 🙂 You look great-I think everyone has those days now and then where you are just frustrated with yourself, I know I do :p

  7. marlopnwgirl says:

    YAY!!! OMG thats so awesome! I about jumped out of my seat when i read that! When i use to read fitness magazines none stop i’d stare at the girls in those adds.. Like MAN i wonder what it feels like to know thousands and thousands of people are gonna be looking at your hard work and thinking “i wanna look like that!” Awesome job missy!

  8. Lisa says:

    I am completely with you on feeling that same way. I’m exactly the same. I am really trying my very best to get over that, but I just pick myself apart, all the time. when people tell me I’m tiny or skinny, I think, right, have you seen me? I see big when I look in the mirror (not huge, but not tiny for sure) and it aggravates me. I know the feeling, it’s tough when your not genetically disposed to be thin, tiny, or lean. We have to work at it!!

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