Self Doubt and Family Love

Posted: January 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

I am just mentally NOT FEELING IT at all today. I wish I could be my usually rah rah rah self. But I’m not.

My usual attitude

It is what it is though. Despite going to bed at 8;15 last night I slept wonky and it was restless. My physical cardio was great today, mentally I was a mess.

Sometimes I just don’t have it. I wish I was a 100% positive person all the time, but I’m not. I looked at photos of the girls who won my first show last year and had a mega moment of self doubt. There is NO way I’m on the same page/level/ability as those chicks. What am I getting myself into?

I’m a huge pasty white whale. I’ve got so far to go and maybe not enough time to get there. Will I even manage to pull this off? Will I hit the 125lb mark and have the scale refuse to budge again no matter how strict, how perfect, how much work I do?

I know it’s all trivial, the mental aspect of prep is just as hard for me as the physical most days. Inside I’m still that 200+ lb fat kid who never seemed to get ahead.

*le sigh*

So at risk of sounding like a major Debbie downer here, I’m going to end it here. I’m still 100% on plan, giving every bit of effort, and I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be bouncing off the walls again… but until then, it’s time for my pre workout meal and what I seriously hope will be a kick ass shoulder workout.

If there is one thing I learned doing NINE MONTHS of prep last year….

There is going to be good days, there’s going to be bad days

There is going to be laughter, there’s going to be tears

… and no matter what happens today, tomorrow is still going to come on full force and it’s moving forward that will get me progressing.


On a totally unrelated note… I mentioned my top secret Christmas gift to my parents was a new family photo. My mom finally picked up the cd last week and just sent me one photo which isn’t even the entire family.

But regardless… Meet “the kids”. Yes, my mom calls us all the kids, which makes sense since my sister in law is just a part of the fam now…. BUT this made a bit of an awkward situation when the photographer thought that she was literally my sister… and that my nephew was some sort of creepy love child between my brother and sister in law.

Yeah… we’re from a small town, but let’s not go there.

... I had the stomach flu for two days... Clearly not at my best!

Yes. I look like my brother. There is a reason we were often called twins. I never saw it… but I’m starting too. Eek.

What’s your cure for a funky mood?

Do you have family pictures taken?

  1. What a gorgeous picture!

    And you know, I think when people express their “debbie downer” means they are real. I know I am not happy all the time and i can’t always portray positivity. Sometimes this can make us vulnerable, but it also makes us more approachable and empathetic. Hang in there!

  2. Dotsie says:

    The boyfriend had me sit in on a picture of him, his kid, and his sister… So awkward!!! It was supposed to be a shoot of those three- not me!!!

  3. allieksmith says:

    Sorry you are having one of those days .. I always try to remember that it will be over in a matter of hours. Don’t be so hard on yourself 🙂

    NICE family picture 🙂

  4. I just had a good cry in the kitchen over having 1.12 in my bank account and not being able to even afford a box of freakin cereal, so we can have a pity party together. Much love girl, it’ll look up. I tell you that because I can’t seem to believe it for myself.

  5. Jess says:

    We all have days like that, and you are under extra pressure. I honestly think you are beautiful and are going to rock out! Hope you feel better<3

  6. Nothing better to cure a funky mood than a date with friends! Dinner, movie, shopping, or just browsing, sitting around and chit chatting, playing games, etc!

    We take family pictures at holidays or parties, but not professional photos, just the ones we take with our own cameras!

  7. Tenecia says:

    We all have moments of self-doubt….I can totally relate! And I love that you’re being real and not pretending to be rah rah rah 100% of the time!


    P.S. The pic is really nice! Great gift idea!

  8. Kirstie says:

    I have self doubt all the time while in training. You just have to overcome it day by day. Love the shirt BTW.

  9. We just took a family photo (the first one in a decade ha…). There are good and bad days in everything. You could even go as far as too say there are good and bad years in everything you do.

    Good luck girl, and one day with anything will never really affect your outcome. 🙂

  10. At least you know that it’s just a funk. If you’re anything like me, it’s nothing a little (or a lot) of highly caffinated coffee can’t fix. You have been inspiring me for the past few weeks to step up my game. You are starting in such a leaner place than you did last time. You are gonna kill it!

  11. Love the family photo….YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!! Girl, I am sorry you were having a bad day but seriously it is impossible to be happy and feel good every day so it is actually NORMAL to be off. You are such an inspiration to me with your training and how good you eat. Have a better day today and I think you are amazing!

  12. marlopnwgirl says:

    OMG i LOVE the picture.. Its so very cute.. and it is odd how much you and your brother resemble eachother.. With that said though.. Its strange how you make SUCH a beautiful girl, and he makes an attractive man.. just odd how facial structure works like that..

    Im sorry you are feeling blue hun.. But yes you know there are good days and bad ones.. But you are anything but a whale.. Im still amazed at your “starting” picture from this go around.. You are a fraction of what you were when you started last year. Everything about your physique is 10X better than its been in the past when you started prep.. So with that said it only means youre end result will in return be 10X better than how you’ve ended last season.

  13. Lisa says:

    If it makes you feel any better, I’ve had the same feelings for the past week. And I’m a usually peppy and positive person too. It’s prep, I know that from experience too. Just know you’re not alone! =)

  14. chelsea says:

    Did I just write this? I can totally relate. Thank goodness for PROTAN, right? That’s what I tell myself. I am going thru the same stuff as you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s