Focusing on the Positive… When Things Get Negative

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Uncategorized
I’m actually SUPER excited for one of the questions I got yesterday for my ask me anything (it was left as a comment). While I’m waiting on the rest of the questions (Keep submitting!) this one I want to answer now because it kind of ties in with some stuff that went down last night so to speak!
How do you deal with people telling you that what you’re doing (training and diet wise) is not healthy? How do you cope with people commenting days in and days out about the amount and the (lack of) variety of your food? I have a BIG problem dealing with that, I feel judged all the time.. I was wondering if there was anything you said or think that help you get through this kind of situation

Yeah…. Anyone reading this whose phone number/email/msn/facebook/twitter I have knows that well, things aren’t always smooth sailing. I DO try to just let it roll off my back, but let’s be honest here. Is that ever really the best idea/what actually happens?

Ummm. No. No it’s not.

I guess I should start out by saying I’ve always been a little…. Different. While other girls were playing hockey and softball, taking dance classes or playing an instrument I was hanging out in stables, showing horses in Dressage competitions and getting up at 4am for rowing practice. (…. Always been a morning person I guess! Ahaha). It didn’t help I was the overweight kid who wore baggy tshirts and men’s jeans, no makeup and a constant ponytail.

Dont I just scream COOL?!?!

Stylish/cool/happening I was not and I often got comments/teased/whatever for it. At 13 years old that’s pretty harsh, I had zero self esteem, no self confidence and was under constant critism for being “different”.

Flash forward 13 more years (wow, old age here I come) and well, clearly still “different”. My idea of a crazy Friday night is hot yoga and staying up past ten. I haven’t had more than 2 drinks at a time in over a year, I get up at 5am and go to bed at 9, I don’t eat in restaurants, I eat the same food day in, day out. My Saturdays are spent at posing classes and working on my suit or presentation.

Cursing tiny (uber expensive) stones... crazy friday night!

Yeah, I’m different alright.

I've obviously got MAD style though

Living in the city without family makes it a bit easier I do admit that. I can live in my bubble, talk to my competitor friends, blog, live my life the way I want. I live alone, I’m single. It’s…. “easy”.

Going home? Yeah. That’s another story. The number of times a day I hear “well I don’t want to ruin your… diet…” or “Can you eat that?” or “Well we can’t go out because of Becca” is far too many to count. My family is used to me being “normal”, eating everything in moderation, having some wine, going out with friends, relaxing and taking time off from training on vacation.

Vaation road trips... fun and unplanned

Well, in prep that isn’t an option. At all. This is who I am now and it’s hard to hear the negative comments. While camping last year I asked my dad to turn on the stove so I could make breakfast. He thought I wanted him to cook my breakfast… so his response to me? “I’m not cooking your gross food”. Ummmmm.

That was the meal... french toast and scrambled eggs and veggies. SO GROSS

I EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON PEOPLE. I’m not a freak!

But yeah. I do eat “healthy”. And I do eat this way all the time. The crazy thing is, I love my food, I love the way it fuels my body, the way I feel when I workout because I have the food in me, this is my lifestyle whether I’m in prep or not.

While the situation with my dad was cut short (thanks to mom being there and me not wanting to start a screaming match), I’ve slowly learned to just tune it out.

I hate saying this. I really really really do. I don’t think it’s ever been something I’ve personally said out loud before, but a lot of my friends who hear my rants and listen to me vent say it for me. The negative people? The bad comments? It’s jealousy.

Who WANTS to live an unhealthy life? Who WANTS to be out of breath walking up a flight of stairs. Who DOESN’T want to be active, healthy and HAPPY?

Ummmm. Crickets?

So how do I deal with it? By ignoring it? Living my life thinking “ignorance is bliss?” (it really is people). Well that works sometimes, but sometimes you just need to block out the negativity and focus on the positive things going on.

Think about it, how often do you have a bad day. I mean a BAD DAY. Everything goes wrong, you get stuck in traffic, it’s raining, your hair sucks, you get fired, your cat pukes on your bed. Hey, shit happens. That’s just the way it goes. But if you think about that horrible day, I bet if you REALLY think about it there is some good to, maybe even a lot of good things.

Sometimes it’s the small things that really matter and get you through the day. Life and prep isn’t a big blog. My 25 weeks of prep sometimes do start to blend together in a glob of cardio sessions, workouts, chicken and bean beans and egg whites before bed…. But when I look closely there is a lot of smaller things, not always directly related to prep that make those long, dry days just a little bit better.

I’m going to use yesterday as an example because well… it’s the perfect one.

It started just like any other day, my alarm blasting a song about haters everywhere we go at 5am, my usual egg and English muffin breakfast, grabbed my gym bag, food and coffee and hit the metro. It was cold, it was blah, but um… cardio FLEW by and I was finished afterwards. Bonus!

The day went by fast, meetings, little odds and ends. Can’t complain.

Leaving the office I was tired. Just MEH. I decided to stop into a different mall than normal to try and get my greek yogurt that is SO hard to find lately (and thus bumming me out that I’ve had to omit it for a few days now). Well guess what I found? I whole frickin shelf of it. I bought four. Just in case you know.

I REALLY love my greek yogurt

Then I stopped into a small gadget-y store to see if they had he Bodum French press travel mug I’ve been looking for. Well, he was out of stock, but sold me the one on display… which was on sale… and because it was a display he knocked off another $5…. And since it was the last one he threw in the regular lid for it for free. Um… SCORE!?

More coffffeeeeeeeeeee

Oh… and this baby was “FREE” thanks to the wonderful DI and her giveaway!

Gift card WOOOOOOOOOO!

 Since I now had a french press I was able to use the CANDY CANE COFFEE I bought on the weekend! 

FYI: It was just as great as it sounds

I got to the gym and had a FANTASTIC workout. Added some weight, really saw some changes in my upper body and left happy knowing I had non-burnt popcorn to eat (since I had burnt bag 1 earlier. Go team)

I was in such a great mood when I got home I decided to be brave and send a text I had been dreading. Of course I got the response I was expected and BAM. Kick in the face. It’s something I knew, but needed to hear to make it real. And it still sucked. A lot. I was ready to throw out an entirely GREAT day because of one negative. Why? What kind of CRAZY sense does that make?

None. None at all.

So I picked myself up, remember the good, checked my email and say a comment from someone who I didn’t realize had such GREAT typing skills:

Dearest Becca,
You are the bestest Auntie in the world.
Lots of love,
Griffin XOX

And it just put a smile on my face. And I put it all behind me…. And went to bed at 9:15, because that’s just how the cool kids roll.

Wow… am I ever long winded today!

How do you deal with the negative?

Any tips/tricks/suggestions?

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Comments
  1. Dotsie says:

    Great post, as usual! 🙂 I hear negative stuff/criticism everyday from coworkers about my food choices, eating tunes, etc., and I try to just let it roll off my back and remind myself that I eat for me, and it in no way affects them. And I may think mean thoughts about the chips, chocolate, and pastries they eat throughoutthr day, everyday, and how they complain about how tired they always are, how their skin is breaking out, how they have heartburn and indigestion…and I’m good. I feel better off.. Lol.

  2. Kristen says:

    I always get the comment from my family “WHAT are you eating? that looks gross” I use to respond, “well at least my arteries are clogging as we speak” haha Now I just realize Im doing the best for me!

  3. Aleasha says:

    Dealing with people who judge your eating habits is hard sometimes. People seam to have no issue telling a thin person or someone eating healthy that what they are doing is “not healthy”. I was eating fish and steamed broccoli at work the other day and had someone at least 50 lbs overweight that my food was not only gross but no healthy because it wasn’t “enough”. Ummm who are you to tell me this, especially as you are mowing down a burger and fries? ugh….
    I admire your dedication, you work hard. I have been committed to healthy eating and working out for a few years now and it is hard enough to work out 5 days a week for an hour or so at a time. I can not imagine what you do to reach the level you are at. Good for you. It takes a lot more discipline and caring about yourself to stick to your goals then for the other people who judge you as they are going sucking back pizza and coke.
    You are a great role model.
    A

  4. The jealousy point you bring up is definitely interesting. I sometimes say that imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery, jealousy and passive-aggresiveness is. It helps me to remember that when people attack something that makes you happy, it’s always always always about them! Remembering that makes it better. I have my stuff. Other people have their stuff. I try not to make their stuff mine. It makes life easier!

  5. allieksmith says:

    You are right about people being jealous. I know a lot of people who will look down on me because I don’t want to eat mc donalds every day and they aren’t bold enough to say no. I love this post and how honest you are 😀

  6. This blog makes me extremely happy. We are so alike-I have always marched to the beat of my own drum and often spend my Friday nights going for a run and watching say yes to the dress.

    Problem. I think not.

  7. I always remind myself that I am doing what makes me happy and what works for me. I also remind myself that people usually don’t understand differences and don’t really mean any harm with comments.

  8. Thank GOD it’s not just me. My parents would always say things about my “disgusting food”. I’d just say “more for me!” My husband literally makes gag noises about my nightly greek yogurt & pb “icecream” I brush that off & think more for me! It used to be annoying to me, but not anymore. The more mature (older) I get the more I realize that I need to do what I want & like. People respect you more for it. Keep it up Bec!
    xo
    Mindy

  9. Lisa says:

    Oh I get SO annoyed with these questions. I try not to and I try to explain things but people either want to argue with me or take it personally. It’s frustrating. I just try to stay positive but sometimes it’s difficult. I just surround myself with people who are supportive. I don’t live near my family either, so don’t have to deal with their questions, they are just as bad!

  10. My family does not understand my eating habits either, nor do they understand my food sensitivities. Oh you can’t eat dairy? Let me send you a bunch of holiday treats cooked with milk and butter for Christmas. Bothers. me. so. much.

    • Danielle says:

      I think the jealousy thing is huge. I work with a lot of people who are very unhealthy and give me a hard time about leaving work as soon as we are free to go so that I can get to the gym. Or, they ALWAYS have comments about what I have for lunch. It’s frustrating but I blow it off and remember I’m doing it for ME! No one else.

  11. This was an amazing post! I love your honesty and you hit the nail on the head with people judging you for having self control. I get that all the time, but people I am around are getting better about not judging me anymore. It feels good to be around people that don’t look at me like I am a freak for the way I eat. Thank you for sharing this. I am sorry you have to go through it, but it is nice to not feel alone!

  12. Jess says:

    I totally hear where you are coming from. My diet isn’t as “extreme” as yours (not trying to be negative:) ), but they still question why I choose to be healthy- how does that even make sense?

    I have a niece and a nephew and I LOVE getting notes/drawings like that. They make my day!

  13. cardiopizza says:

    I love hearing your thoughts! I know that when I tried to do a figure comp I felt I was always explaining myself to others…it was tough on me for sure. Even when I would just eat healthy foods, I would get questioned. I don’t even notice it anymore though, people are always going to see me as the ‘healthy’ one even though I eat like a normal person. I don’t mind any more!

  14. Jessica says:

    What a great post! My niece left me a voicemail today and it made my day.

  15. Julie-Émlie says:

    Hi there! Thank you for your honesty, I already feel less alone in this city knowing i’m not the only one dealing with jealous people, because YES I think they are. But at the same time, those are the people looking for the magic pill, the ones who months after months (or RIGHT after chrismas) ask you how you stayed in shape during the holidays and all year round. They don’t understad the consystency it takes everyday to eat clean and lift heavy, even on day we fell blahh or tired or hungry. They are looking for the quick fix.. doing hours and hours of cardio for a week and then giving up after a week because it’s not working and it’s SO suffering (every one who had done a real heavy training on a daily basis knows that we “fitness” people are freak because we HAVE to be completly insane to suffer like that every morning/night of our lives to see a nice quad sweep, shoulder pop and biceps vein. 🙂

    I think we all all insane in a certain way, we just have to accept the differences around us, witch I realize more now that not everybody is capable of.

    Happy training all!!

  16. Jen says:

    Whenever we go out to eat, I get the comments “come on, you’re out to eat, get whatever you want.” or “holy crap, they are going to spit in your food since you changed so much.” What most people don’t understand is I believe I have a serious addiction to fast food and junk. Most people can have a couple slices of pizza and move on or go out to eat and be fine. But for me, it’s a downward slide. If I have pizza, it’s like my stomach doesn’t have an off switch. I can’t stop eating, so I just have to say no thank you and don’t even start on the cycle!

  17. Griffin is the cutest thing in the world, that broke my heart! Girl, you are AMAZING and I am so happy that you do what you know is right for YOU!! Great job, ignoring the haters…they are just jealous of your rockin bod and healthy habits. THanks for being so honest and open!!! I need to learn your ways of dealing with negativity!

  18. Stephanie says:

    I love your blog! You are so cute and I love your perspective on things! Gotta stay positive!

    Have a great weekend!

  19. marlopnwgirl says:

    awwww.. I love you becs.. You are such a great spirit. Everyone has crappy days.. but like you i always try to remember the good!

    The comment from Griff mad me laugh..

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