the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.
a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: to live a life of guilt.
While everyone has guilt over certain decisions/choices/whatever, I truly believe women have more guilt than men. It’s all part of how we’re raised, as people pleasers.
Or maybe that’s just me? Who knows.
Saturday in the early afternoon I was (dancing around) in my kitchen, making myself a (fantastically amazing) bowl of peanut butter oats and some egg whites to eat before my workout. I had my ipod on (I really need to get some speakers for that thing) and my singing along to it was probably the reason Fritz was hiding in “the cat cave”.
I started thinking about all the things I feel GUILTY about… but why? What’s the point of the negative thoughts running through my head. I was SO happy and peaceful. For once I didn’t feel a weight on my shoulders about ANYTHING really. I felt completely at peace with the choices I have made, not just in regards to prep, but life in general.
Self Guilt Trip #1:
Friday I decided for my high carb day Saturday I wanted French toast. Sadly my favorite sprouted grain bread doesn’t fit into my everyday macros the way I would like, so spending 5$ on a loaf of bread seemed a little silly to me. While wandering the grocery store that night I came across something and had a fantastic idea.
Enter fiber plus blueberry Eggo waffles…. Made into French toast.
I lightly toasted the waffles, soaked them in egg whites and cooked them like plain old French toast. I ate one with an over easy egg mushed up on it and the other with sugar free jam. Looking at the plate it was not exactly something a lot of “traditionalists” would eat during prep, but since I don’t have a list of “good/bad” foods, the meal fit perfectly into my macros it was good to go. Why let any of the deliciousness be taken away by the guilt of this not being “perfect, whole foods”. Yes, the waffles came from a box, but who really cares?
Not this chick.
Enter self guilt trip #2.
I love prep. Yup, there I said it. I love the meal planning, the cooking, the workouts, the cardio, the changes that come with it all. Mentally and physically I feel BETTER in prep than I do in my off season.
I often read journals, articles, stories and hear people talk about how miserable they are in prep. Low calories, tons of cardio, the mental ups and downs. Those feelings hit me on occasion, but I thrive on the bad along with the good. Having a bad day? Well it’s all in my head, push through, it’ll get better.
It always does.
Why let myself feel like a freak of nature of loving this process? Why not embrace it, use my love for this sport to my advantage and kill it. Having the goals and drive that I do should be a good thing, not a “well why do I feel this way when a lot of others don’t?” moment.
Guilt Trip #3:
This isn’t something I talk about much on my blog, or well… ever. But dating. It must have been mid January I quit dating.
Yes, I legit quit dating. I cleared out number in my phone, stopped looking, stopped trying. I’m going to be 27 in a couple of months and while the thought of “still” being single scares me, I am honestly sick of dating the wrong guys…. Just to have someone. Normally leading up to a trip home I would be looking, just to have someone, something that I could mention when people back home start on the “you’re single?!?!?!” talk.
This time I wanted nothing to do with it. I’ve learned a lot and it’s been interesting to say the least. It feels oddly freeing and amazing, and I’m 100% okay with going home and saying “you know what, I am single. And no, there is no one at all. And I’m quite content and happy living that way”.
I’m not going to feel guilty and bad for taking care of myself first. For waiting for someone who is the right person, who will accept my competing and lifestyle. I don’t want to feel bad every time I have to explain why I’m single, I just want to enjoy it! Because I DO!
Guilt Trip #4:
Loving my lifestyle. Completely As Is.
- Do I care that I rent and not own my apartment? Nope.
- Do I care that I spend a lot of my free time alone, on the couch, running errands, whatever? Nope.
- Do I care that I choose to go home to New Brunswick for vacations instead of somewhere “fun”? Nope.
- Do I care that I choose to live “differently” than most people? Nope.
That’s right folks. I’m done with the guilt. I’m choosing to accept me for who I am, my choices as no one’s but my own. I’m owning MY life and not making excuses for why I am the way I am, why I live the way I do or do the things I do.
Hopefully people will see how I am happy in my choices and my life and will therefore accept it. But if they don’t? Well you know what, that’s no one’s problem but their own. Bye bye guilt. I don’t need you anymore.
What silly things do you feel guilty for?