… On Letting Go

Posted: June 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

I feel like this is SUCH a cliché…. but I’m stealing a line from a Pitbull song to describe how I feel about the last four months.

… and I’m not just speaking in reference to prep here.

Took my life from negative to positive

Yup. That about sums it up. Have a good night everyone!

Yeah no. I’m way too long winded to leave it there and I think we all know that by now?

So yeah… I started prep January 8th. I was in a good place. I felt ready and positive and ready to kick prep’s ass!

But the thing is… I am NOT prep. Never have I wanted prep and competing to define me.

Yes, competing and dieting has taken a huge center stage role in my life, but that has more to do with me growing up. I don’t want to be out until 6am partying anymore, spending my money on a new club outfit or a bottle of vodka. Hangovers and feeling like crap is nothing compared to a great cardio session, a solid workout with a new PR, the feeling of stepping on stage knowing I am the best ME I can be outweighs so many of the things that used to define me.

I moved away from home at 18 and to Montreal at 19. Now I’m 27 and realizing somethings that are… harder to admit, but I have finally began admitting them, first to myself and then my friends and family.

Admitting these things, making the decision to stop dating because it wasn’t a positive part of my life, choosing to work on ME, my healthy eating, my prep, banishing food demons and changing the negatives in my life into positive. That is what began important.

Not letting prep take over my life is hard and I admit that. Do I put 125% into it and place a lot of my focus there? Yes. Why? Because I want this, I want to better myself, I want to prove to myself that I can do it.

And I AM doing it.

There is a saying that if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

Well, I made the difficult and very well thought out decision to take something I did not like in my life… and change it. For the better. I can honestly say I have never been more confident of a decision I have made before and I’m very excited with how my life is going.

Since this decision came out, I thought everything would click. I was over my plateau, I was admitting the hard stuff and figured that was that.

It wasn’t. Unfortunately there was still negativity in my life, and I was allowing it. I kept shrugging it off and saying that it was just a rough patch. Eventually a very wise person told me that it wasn’t right how I was feeling and after some very tough things were said I chose to walk away from the situation.

Did it suck?

Yes. It sucked a lot. It’s like a breakup, you know there was bad but something keeps you clinging to the positive, the good stuff… I wanted to feel guilty for ending this, but it somehow felt right. What happened made me question everything in my life, not just the aspects of my prep that were called into question, but the bigger, broader picture of my life changes that are currently in the works.

If my prep is so horrible and I’m such a train wreck… what does everyone think of everything else I’ve got going on? Am I making a huge mistake?!

How did I go from believing in my decisions with every fiber in me… to completely questioning everything I have done in the last year and a half?

…and with that floating around in my head… I chose to let go.

Completely and fully let it go. Without question or guilt. I know myself, I know what I’m doing is right, is healthy, is VERY sane and no one can or should tell me otherwise. Without belief in myself, what else can I go on?

Everyone always says “trust your instinct”… and I finally did, and in doing so I finally feel free and completely sure and true in my choices.

How have YOU trusted your instincts lately?

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Comments
  1. Sandra says:

    Simply love this one! What an inspiration…

  2. What you think about it and how YOU feel are the most important things. Everything will happen just as it’s supposed to if you follow your heart!

  3. You’re a great person Becca. I am glad you’re doing what makes you happy. Whether its comp training, say no to men for now, figuring out what you really want in life.

    Hope the negativity continues to diminish.

    Love and positive thoughts are being sent your way.

  4. Kimmy says:

    This post spoke volumes to me Becca. Thank you so much for sharing it. I have made some very difficult decisions in the past few months as well. Your post really spoke to me. HUGS. ❤

  5. Becca! I disappeared, I know.

    You have come so far. I remember when you first posted up about your first comp on O2. And I think, from so many of your posts, you’ve had more positive than negative going on…especially when it comes to prep and competition. You’re strong and capable…and letting go, following your instincts, and just taking life on makes for a world of difference.

    I got laid off. I was in a mad hurry to get back into the job world…but wanna know what’s saved me? Taking time to be a mom. Not jumping back into a career. Taking time to care for myself. Yep. ME. I knew I needed to change everything…to follow my gut. And trust me that when I say, a woman’s intuition is always right….IT IS. There’s a difference between “mind games” and intuition. Sometimes…your intuition is the loudest, most frightening voice…and you try to avoid it, because you’re afraid it’s right. Listening to your “gut feelings” might be the hardest thing to do…but in the end…it’s always the best, most rewarding choice.

  6. marlopnwgirl says:

    Love you Becs! great post!

  7. Lisa says:

    Wow, this is deep and so profound! Good for you! Why hold on to the negatives when it only brings you down? It’s not necessary and you have to look out for #1- you! Good for you!!

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