… and no, I’m not just talking about the disastrous self tan I’ve got going on.
Seriously, if I can give you any advice it is this:
When you are pasty white (aka Canadian), extremely stressed out and cranky do not, I repeat DO NOT try and self tan yourself. It’s just not pretty.
Anyway. From Friday to Saturday last week I gained 2 lbs. Yup. Two. Stress, cortisol, water retention. It’s all tied in and that makes me feel crappy about my progress pics.
I still haven’t heard back from Joe, but honestly I don’t know what to do. I KNOW I look better than last year, but that’s not the point. The fact of the matter is I don’t WANT to just get on stage for the sake of getting on stage this year.
… at all.
To me it’s pointless
A waste of money
A lot of work for nothing
I’m really just venting and being honest here, at this point I’m not sure if I’m going to do Natural Provincials.
CBBF registration fees. Entry fees. At least one private posing class for my routine. Nails, hair, travel.
It’s a big chunk of change that I don’t know if I want to spend if I’m going to stick out as last place on stage.
I HAVE already paid my entry fees to the IDFA show in Gatineau and have full intentions of going.
I just don’t know if I’m logically ready… mentally or physically to make the switch to the “big league”.
Maybe if I don’t do Provincials I’ll decide to enter the SAF competition in Fitness Model or something just for shits and giggles. More stage time, I’ll already BE in Ottawa…. and well, Sylvia DOES think I have the bikini attitude on stage.
It’s a big discussion I need to have with Joe like… now.
Regardless. Here are my progress pics. Instead of the usual excuse my whiteness, excuse my splotchy fake tan.
I really do like how my back is looking… I guess that’s one positive.
GAH! I hate feeling like such a Debbie Downer right now since I really DON’T feel like I am in a bad place AT ALL… I just don’t feel like I”m in the RIGHT PLACE for CBBF.
So frickin much to decide.
Legs say yes! Do CBBF… Upper body says “I’m squishy and have nothing going for me at all”.
Okay, time to go email Joe. I need to vent.