Not Sure How I Feel

Posted: June 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

… and no, I’m not just talking about the disastrous self tan I’ve got going on.

Seriously, if I can give you any advice it is this:

When you are pasty white (aka Canadian), extremely stressed out and cranky do not, I repeat DO NOT try and self tan yourself. It’s just not pretty.

At all.

Anyway. From Friday to Saturday last week I gained 2 lbs. Yup. Two. Stress, cortisol, water retention. It’s all tied in and that makes me feel crappy about my progress pics.

I still haven’t heard back from Joe, but honestly I don’t know what to do. I KNOW I look better than last year, but that’s not the point. The fact of the matter is I don’t WANT to just get on stage for the sake of getting on stage this year.

… at all.

To me it’s pointless

A waste of money

A lot of work for nothing

I’m really just venting and being honest here, at this point I’m not sure if I’m going to do Natural Provincials.

CBBF registration fees. Entry fees. At least one private posing class for my routine.  Nails, hair, travel.

It’s a big chunk of change that I don’t know if I want to spend if I’m going to stick out as last place on stage.

I HAVE already paid my entry fees to the IDFA show in Gatineau and have full intentions of going.

I just don’t know if I’m logically ready… mentally or physically to make the switch to the “big league”.

Maybe if I don’t do Provincials I’ll decide to enter the SAF competition in Fitness Model or something just for shits and giggles. More stage time, I’ll already BE in Ottawa…. and well, Sylvia DOES think I have the bikini attitude on stage.

It’s a big discussion I need to have with Joe like… now.

Regardless. Here are my progress pics. Instead of the usual excuse my whiteness, excuse my splotchy fake tan.

may 30-june 13 front

may 30-june 13 side

may 30-june 13 back

I really do like how my back is looking… I guess that’s one positive.

GAH! I hate feeling like such a Debbie Downer right now since I really DON’T feel like I am in a bad place AT ALL… I just don’t feel like I”m in the RIGHT PLACE for CBBF.

So frickin much to decide.

Legs say yes! Do CBBF… Upper body says “I’m squishy and have nothing going for me at all”.

Okay, time to go email Joe. I need to vent.

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Comments
  1. I think you look slammin’. I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through because I’m not sure what it is that you’re looking for or that you think you’re missing, but you look beautiful.

  2. Kait Dee says:

    You do really look great; I’m envious of your little, slim waist. There’s an area I’m hyper focused on right now. I painted myself in April; never again. September is spray and air brush; hands down. I won’t have my posse with me to paint and dream tan me up in Van City or Edmonton. PS: Your calves and quads are also looking good … not just your back. ❤

  3. cookinghealthyforme says:

    I have confidence that you’ll do fine…..the tan looks great in the photos…..

  4. lifttorun says:

    Your back does look really good.

  5. Holly @ indecisiveathlete says:

    I think you lk great in your progress pics girl! And in pictures your fake tan doesn’t look slight at all. I how things start comming up for you soon!

  6. Amanda says:

    I know it doesn’t really matter what we see, it’s how you feel that counts, but I must say you look amazing! I hope your numbers turn around for you soon, so you feel as fierce as you look! I can’t wait to hear all the recaps from the competitions this year, it is such a foreign world to me but so interesting… I’m in PMS land right now so I feel huge even though I’ve been following my plan to the letter recently, and I can’t even imagine what the pressure of competition would add to that! All I know is you look amazing and your motivation and follow through is always super inspiring…

  7. I think you look great and I know it is so hard because you don’t know exactly what the judges want and every one of them has their own opinion. But you have made so much progress and seriously look awesome.

  8. I know my little opinion doesn’t really matter but I think you look AMAZING. Minor setbacks happen to everyone but truly — you look AWESOME. Your hamstrings, your shoulders & arms, your BACK.. you look great!! And I think whatever you decide to do, you are going to kill it. Because you are that type of person.

  9. Drink that water & you’ll feel better. You look amazing Bec. Your back is insane!!! I’m your newest Twitter follower too 😉 I just signed up.

  10. I think your legs have come in great! And I can definitely see a bit more definition in the Abs area.
    I think you should compete in both. I mean you have trained so hard and look so good, so why not? Yet maybe you don’t want to compete for the sake of competing but you have been doing it for the last 16 weeks. What you don’t do well you can do for IDFA.

    Though the fees are pricey so is EVERYTHING else you’ve been doing to get to your amazing physical achievement. I think you should do it. 🙂

  11. Lisa says:

    I know those feelings and they aren’t fun. Keep your chin up!

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