Late Night Drive

Posted: August 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

… Most of this was scribbled in my little notebook I keep in my purse/gym bag when I got home last night. I guess I just wanted to get it all out, so hopefully it transfers over to the blog. Here’s hoping anyway.

Yesterday I had a really great back workout. Things are moving really well and I’m finally starting to feel okay with myself again. I feel less bloaty and blah and for the first time in probably two weeks I wore tights and a fitted tank top to the gym. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or out of place or like everyone was staring at me. I really feel back to ME.

… and feeling back to me is really important in the whole grand scheme of this post.

After dinner last night, I went out. I wore a typical Becca outfit. Ripped up jean skirt, fitted tank top, sweater (ugh it’s COLD here) and my Choos. I didn’t feel like I was trapped in someone else’s body, I felt confident and happy with myself and everything that was going on in my life.

A walk around the mall, a stop at Dairy Queen for a mini blizzard and a long drive around the fancy parts of Rothsay. Chatting away and just relaxing. It was a very chill night. A movie rounded out the night and I got back in the car feeling… like I did something wrong.

Hitting the road towards home I decided to avoid this disaster of a construction site on the old road by taking the highway the whole way home. As I got out of the city and closer to home I pulled over into a small truck rest area, rolled down the windows and just stared up at the sky.

It was something you rarely would see in Montreal. A clear sky absolutely full of stars… the big dipper… the moon looking huge… it was just calming.

To me, last night was a bold attempt at being a normal everyday 27 year old single girl. I had icecream and lived without regret… but then somehow I was driving home feeling guilty.

Guilty for what?

Wanting to be different?

Wanting to stay true to myself?

Wanting to stay true to my beliefs?

Ummm. Why?

Staring up at the clear sky I felt like my head slowly cleared. Whatever happens in all aspects of my life right now… well, simply put… it is what it is.

Life isn’t perfect, life will never be perfect.

But as long as I don’t lose sight of me and who I am… and who I want to be… it will all work out.

Whether it happens now…. tomorrow… next week… or in a month.

It will work out.

When the time is right, the pieces will fall into place, and I’m totally okay with taking the long road if it means I don’t lose me.

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Comments
  1. It is wonderful to see a clear, starry sky! Great that you got to have that serene experience and that you don’t let your guilt trip you up. I hate it when I feel guilty about things I honestly don’t think I SHOULD be feeling guilty about. Let me know if you find a way to get rid of that guilt! 🙂

  2. Becca, life is not perfect and your right it probably never will be! It will however be whatever you want it to be with your hardwork and your dedication and most importantly your heart and soul I know it will be amazing for you! x

  3. Dang girl, that last sentence sums it all up.

  4. This is such an awesome post! It is so true, your life is what you want it to be! I will be coming back to this post to read it again and again because it has me thinking about what I want my life to be like and it reminds me that I need to make my life what I want it to, it won’t just magically be what I want it to be.

  5. marlopnwgirl says:

    Im a very strong believer that things happen when they are suppose to… Certain things happen in your life to form you and make you the person you are.. So that when those right moments DO happen.. You are the person you are suppose to be. Take each situation as a lesson.. Stay positive.. rather than wallowing in it.. Think “what am i learning, what should i be taking away from this?” Its really mind changing and makes you feel good when you think of things like that… It seems like things always work out better when i think that way.. You made a HUGE life change recently.. in more ways than one.. You moved home, you got of prep plans, you quit a job that made you incredibly unhappy.. Things wont change over night.. Or even in a month.. maybe not even 6 months.. But some day you will look back and think “wow.. im in such a better place now..” LOVE YOU BECS!!!!!!

  6. What fabulous visuals Becca, from the outfit (choos!) to the sky to the mini-DQ blizzard. I really like how you wrote this and like the message even more. So happy you are in a good place. Let that rub off on me because I’m in a funk!

  7. Pretty much -Yep. It will work out. It always does in some form or fashion. And you will never be 100% satisfied – but you are living and you are driven – and that’s why!

  8. Lisa says:

    Yes! The very last line- absolutely perfect.

  9. Lisa says:

    What will be will be. Just keep being you,and good things will come your way.

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