Clawing My Way Back to Normal

Another week (almost) in the books.

I still have a back/shoulder workout this afternoon… but up until now it’s been pretty… decent.

Yes. I’m saying decent.

And I’m okay with decent.

Why you ask? Because decent is a hell of a lot better than “total cluster %&^$” that was a few days/week there.

Tuesday I had a mini Blizzard.

(caramel toffee cookie… the commercial sucked me in. It really wasn’t that great. Cookies meh, not enough caramel)

Last night I had a handful of chips.

Otherwise? Pretty damn decent.

Clearly I’m not striving for perfection, I’m striving to find balance and it’s working. My body is changing… for the better. My strength is increasing more than I thought it would, my muscles feel full, my cardio is slowly coming back and the bloating is almost all gone (hellllllllo being a chick. Lame).

I have decided against the run on September 11th. Why? Well, something I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned here before, but I’ve had asthma since I was a kid. Like before asthma was the “designer lung problem”. Losing weight and getting healthy completely changed my life and I went from (many) asthma drugs just to function to rarely even carrying my inhaler with me.

… Unfortunately with my move/the return of my allergies, my asthma didn’t return… but it didn’t stay away.

Does that make sense?

Slowly while everything else returns to normal, my asthma is as well, but I still don’t feel comfortable committing to a 5mile run.

I’m thinking about seeing if I can find someone to run half of the KV Challenge Half Marathon with me in October. Basically it’s a half marathon… relay. It’s probably the closest I will ever come to running a real half marathon, so we shall see.

This morning I did 3 miles on a 1.5% incline on the treadmill. Nothing crazy, about 26 minutes which I wasn’t thrilled about, but it’s a start. I’ll get it back, it’s just time and effort.

Sometimes I really feel like I’m clawing my way back to normal. Like there is so many temptations and roadblocks in my way to get over… and part of me wants to revert. I want to eat the candy and the chips… I want to sleep in and skip my afternoon workouts… I want to eat 300 grams of carbs… and maybe a few eggs instead of my real macros.

It’s not easy, but it’s me. I love how i feel when I’m “on”. For the first few weeks I was home I didn’t feel like me, my whole identity was a little off, changed, different. Making these changes isn’t just about where I live or what job I have, it’s also about redefining me. Going from the single, independent figure competitor to family chick, regular gym goer, everyday life liver.

Things are looking up… way up… and I’m really just… Happy… with normal.