…. yeah. I said it.
I am wishy washy.
I have NO IDEA what I want to do.
Wednesday I had a busy day at work. Because of this I didn’t make it to the gym during the day, I showered at home, went to teach my classes and headed to the gym after work.
It was chest day… normally ending with a few arm exercises just to round out my training. I asked for a spot, I rocked my chest workout adding a little bit here and there and playing around with a powerlifting-esc workout.
Then instead of doing cardio (because I’m lazy) I decided to toss in a few arm exercises just because I could.
The last thing I did was bicep curls with an ez-bar. I glanced into the mirror and what did I see?
A vein. It popped. In my right shoulder.
It took me until the very end of prep this year to have any veins showing and well, I’ve got them in offseason.
(perhaps due to the 3 tim bits I ate loading the trailer that night?!)
While I LOVE lifting heavy and pushing myself… my wrist is still aching from the pressure I put on it benching Wednesday.
And honestly… I don’t know how much I want it. I’ve gotten some… not so friendly/supportive emails from the local powerlifting gym that rubbed me the wrong way… I still find myself wanting to practice posing between sets.
So yeah. NO F-ING CLUE
I’m a woman. That’s normal right?!
I have no plan, no direction, no solid long term goal.
I go to the gym. I lift heavy. Sometimes in the 1-3 rep range. Sometimes in the 6-8 range. I do a bit of cardio. I eat my macros.
I’m pushing myself, striving to go heavier no matter what the range, being conscious of macro timing, refeeding as necessary but when it comes down to it, I’m focusing on the now. Being the best Becca I can be in the moment and when I know what direction I want to take I’ll fully run with it, but until then…
I just don’t know.
And you know what… I feel really okay with that. I don’t know why I’m putting so much pressure on myself to define who I am in the gym and what I want to do. So what if I do decide I want to compete but it’s “too late” for April… um… there will ALWAYS be another show.
Maybe I’ll decide in 6 months I DO want to be a big, badass powerlifter.
Um yeah, that option will still be there too.
I feel such a huge need to define myself, to be a figure competitor or a powerlifter or a runner.
…. clearly kidding about that last one.
So no…. I don’t know “who I am”… or who I want to be in 6 months… but I know I have goals in this instant and in the near future and I’m going to chose to work towards those ones and let the big picture figure it out when it does.
So excuse my crazy, my wishy washy, no idea what I want long term phase. I swear as soon as I know.. you’ll know.
… and hopefully you’re still around to hear the big announcement!
Whats YOUR long term plan? Vision? Goal?