So I feel like I’ve had all the big goals…
“I just want to get on stage, look like I fit in, not come dead last and not pass out from terror”
“I want to be five pounds leaner and feel good enough to run a 5 mile run in prep for a race the next morning”
“I want to push through for another couple of months, come in leaner and be fully confident on stage”
And of course from all the back and forth crazy that was prep this year.
“I want to be 10lbs leaner”
Through all four (FOUR?!) of those preps there was one huge goal at the back of my mind. The one I never wanted to say out loud for fear I would never accomplish it. I compete for fun and the love of this crazy lifestyle, not for goals like this.
But this year feels different.
There’s a new coach in the works who is doing my meals AND my workouts…. which is awesome for a busy lifestyle
There is a drive and determination that… while always was there before… feels different. I no longer live in fear of going too far and crossing over into disordered eating and thoughts again.
I’m starting out leaner, with a whole different shape to my body this time around. Those forearm veins that I was so excited to see what? three weeks out last prep? Yeah, they’re sticking around 2 weeks into prep. The whole “body recomp” thing is truth, it works, it’s real. trust this former fat girl.
So it’s time to finally say that big ass goal out loud. I started with babysteps and told Michelle in a random “psstttt….. guess what email”. Her response and the following discussion solidified it. The fear of not making this goal is what makes it so huge, and will push me that much harder.
For anyone who follows me on Pinterest (… addicted) you may see I’ve started a “post show eats” board, which is where I’m sorting ideas for my epic birthday cake.
Birthday… April 7th.
Show date… April 21st.
So my birthday shall be delayed a few weeks and it won’t seem so weird to make myself a big, badass, beyond over planned out birthday cake 4 months later.
While sharing this cake and the experience with the family and friends is great. There is one other thing I want to share my cake with.
I blogged about it in July after my show when someone asked “yes… but how did you do?” and said that if I won I would have 9387569347586934785 photos of me with my trophy and then 8673487268 more in an outtake album.
Well folks… the big goal for this year is…
I will be top five.
Plain, simple. Yes there is a ton of mini goals to get to that point, just like there was a ton of mini goals to get to the ten pound leaner goal this year. Maybe I won’t walk off stage with a trophy, but I will have a body that in my head… and my coach’s head… is worthy of a top five finish.
So there you have it. Top five. It’s absolutely terrifying to put that out there, but hey, once it’s in blog land it’s permanent folks.
As I always like to say… shit just got real. Like super real.
Excuse me while I go have a panic attack.
What are your big goals for 2012?!