So I had a bit of a weird encounter this morning.
My alarm went off at 8 and I got up and made my coffee and ate my first meal in my sweats. It was really kind of nice.
As much as I wanted to bum around and not leave the house AT ALL I got dressed, grabbed my pre-packed bag and headed off to the gym.
When I got there it was time to eat…. yes already again. My gym has a few little table once you pass through the front desk so I plopped myself down and started to eat while flipping through the plethora of junk email I get every morning.
While I was sitting there eating I was approached by someone who works at the gym and who I see very frequently there. This person is pretty well known in the “industry” and is always super friendly. It seems like there has been a few questions about me from people in the gym.
I’m choosing to take that as a good thing. Yes, I can tell right away from seeing other people prepping at my gym that what I’m doing is much different, but hey, we all have our methods. To each their own right? It was a little interesting to hear that people were wondering what my deal is, but I’m taking that as I’m doing something right.
Regardless, we got chit chatting on competing and while he has never competed he had been training for provincials and has seen his brother compete so he gets the “sacrifices” that come with the sport. He even said it must be hard for my boyfriend if I have one. Um yeah, no.
At the time I really didn’t think much of the conversation…. but as I was getting ready for work after the workout I started thinking more about it.
Sacrifices to compete.
Not eating out
No staying out late
Those are sacrifices? Really?
I never feel like I’m giving up on a “real life” by competing.
So I don’t drink? Big deal. That doesn’t mean I’m refusing invites to go out. Sure I don’t really go out, but that’s by choice. The bar scene is not my thing, prep or offseason. Of course I still do go out if there is an occasion, I”m not going to sit home and play the woe is me card because I can’t have booze. The only thing I’m sacrificing there is a hangover…. and in my old age I’m a-ok with that.
As for eating out and family meals? This I admit I was worried about now that I live close to/with the fam. But you know what? Maybe my family and friends just rock or maybe I just don’t notice or care anymore, but this has never been hard for me.
Sunday family dinner? What do ya’ll want? I’ll make tacos! …. and then toss my steak, sweet potato and broccoli on a plate and eat with everyone. Do I feel like I’m missing out? Nope. Maybe two years ago yes, it would have bother me. But this is my choice.
I bake birthday cakes, do the Christmas cooking and help with family dinners all when I bring my own food. If we’re going to eat at the brother’s place, they let me know what they’re having and if I can’t eat it, I’ll bring my own food . No big deal. A couple of weeks ago everyone went for brunch for dad’s birthday. I went to the gym in the morning, dropped in just as they finished ordering. I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and chatted away, no one made me feel weird or crazy. It is what it is, my choice and I’m okay with it.
Mostly because I don’t even do that in the offseason. I’m a morning person. No big deal right?
Being selfish… well… Yes and no. Sure, I am putting myself first. If taking charge of my life and my health is selfish than so be it right? But the thing is, that doesn’t mean that if something came up that was an emergency I wouldn’t drop everything and do what needed to be done.
Life is all about choices and I made mine. If it made me miserable or I felt like it was awful I probably wouldn’t do it. If every family meal had me running to my room in tears because I wanted cookies with Griffin or all of my friends were bar stars and I couldn’t keep up without half a bottle of vodka in me then sure, I’d probably feel like I was giving up a lot.
But in real life it’s not about giving up anything, it’s about everything I’ve gained. Independence, self worth, self acceptance, pride, determination… most importantly I gained my life back. Somewhere along the way my relationship with food and my body has improved ten fold, I don’t fear calories or macros, I don’t belittle and talk negatively about myself anymore. It’s all about how far I’ve come and how far I can go.
If that’s sacrificing then yeah… bring it on.