Some things never change around here.
I’m feeling much better now. It’s like a light switch flipped and admitting my struggle somehow made it just a little bit easier to be honest with myself and get back on track. I admit to having one extra rice cake yesterday and today…. but I am totally not sweating it (and the coach is fully aware)
One thing I did in the depths of my disordered eating was basically closet eating. To the outside world I was eating so healthy and perfectly, how the hell was I so overweight? Oh right… it was everything I shoveled in my face when no one was looking. When I was home alone, when I’d eat in my room, when I’d stop at a drive through.
It was like my secret shame I battled for years and years.
Something I was very upfront about when I started working with Blueprint was my past and how certain aspects of dieting and prep make me nervous only because I know where I’ve come from and I know how easy it can be for me to slip into those nasty patterns again. Openly admitting my struggle to both my coach and the blog world was scary… but somewhat freeing as well. I’m human, it’s all good right?
So needless to say my Monday/Tuesday off work was very nice. I got to relax, I got to wander, I got to meal prep. I actually got some good news first thing this morning at work too…. the new shift bid comes into effect on June 2, even with my sick day I was sitting somewhere in the 50’s for picking and ended up with four 10 hour work days… which means saturday and sunday… AND Tuesday off. I’m kind of totally okay with that with summer right around the corner. Hellllllllo beach!
So while yes… it kind of stinks I’m working this weekend and can’t go camping with the rest of the family (… plus I don’t have my passport renewed. Oops), I only have two more weekends to work then hopefully things will be looking up!
Training wise things are going super well. My strength is increasing exactly as it should be, maybe even a bit more than it should be. I’m really pushing myself to the breaking point here and have been achy and sore to prove it. One thing with this new plan is more rest time. It’s a five day split with two rest days. I was emailing with the coach monday about my boredom having so much free time on my hands and he (half jokingly) suggested if I was that bored I could take one rest day and hit the gym for 9-12 minutes of hiit cardio.
I laughed and said he was talking crazy talk.
…. and today I did the extra cardio.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
But yeah, things are looking up, deadlifts are coming along, rows are increasing faster than expected and I’m back up to 115 on incline bench. I DO use the smith machine which makes me feel a bit better about going much heavier and really pushing it. Knowing I can rack it and not have to bail or cry out for help when I’m stuck under a bar really makes me feel more confident.
Progress photos are due Saturday and I’m nervous… I won’t lie. It makes me a little sick to my stomach to know I have to take them. The urge to compare and pick everything apart will be intense, but it’s a starting point and I know I will be kicking myself in a month if I didn’t take them.
So it’s just business as usual around here…. training, eating, working…
And business as usual doesn’t just apply to me.