Putting Aside The Fear

Posted: January 2, 2013 in Uncategorized

Three days before Christmas I was due for progress pictures. Like any other checkin day I got up, put on a pot of coffee, grabbed my bikini and heels and snapped away.

I had errands to run, so before looking at them I showered then settled into the couch with my coffee to send them off to Jody.

In typical becca fashion I picked them apart, using my new favourite words… Thicker, solid…. Which is a good thing, but admittedly still hard to wrap my head around. Then before hitting send I did a comparison, one week post show vs that day.

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My email changed from an “ughhhh chub” tone to… I don’t know if I’m gaining enough.

I have spent so long losing weight, so many years rebounding and struggling that gaining weight post show scares me. Sure I don’t weigh myself, but it’s 40 below, I can’t wear loose sundresses and gym shorts to hide my expanding behind. The hard truth is to gain muscle I do need to be eating above maintenance and I will inevitably gain fat with muscle. It’s just a fact.

Yes, eating the right foods and working out will minimize the “bad weight” but it’s still going to happen. My meal plan was sent off to Jody and he did the macro calculations and sent me back a revised version. Another shake, more healthy fats, a couple of rice cakes, switching up for higher glycemic fruit carbs post workout.

Nothing major… But hopefully it will be enough to keep the changes coming and get the results I want.

Mentally I know it’s going to be tough, even though I do a much better job as seeing food as the fuel for my lifestyle now there is still that part of me that gets uncomfortable as my jeans get tighter, that worries people will think I’ve “let myself go” and well, that I won’t be seen as the cute little athletic chick.

…. I can’t believe I just said that.

Thankfully I have the full support of my team and know I can talk it over with Jody if it gets to be too much. I also know I have some very supportive friends and family members in my corner, basically an amazing support system all around.

I have no problem stating here and now my goal for may is a top three placing. I got a taste of success with my 5th place finish at provincials and improving on that means leaving my comfort zone far behind me and pushing my limits both in the gym, in the kitchen and most importantly in my head.

It’s time to say goodbye to the “I get on stage to prove something” mentality and give it everything I’ve got to bring a winning package to the stage.

So it’s time to say goodbye to my fears, put them behind me and do this the right way… Wish me luck, I’ll need it.

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Comments
  1. Good luck, I see big things in your future! Can’t wait to read about you placing in May 🙂

  2. kaykayla85 says:

    I know how you feel! My first competition was about proving to myself that I could survive prep and get on stage and look like I belonged. My next competition is about taking it to the next level and winning! Good luck – I’ll be following your journey! 🙂

  3. Christine says:

    Good luck, Becca! You’ve improved so much over the years, it’s great to see your new “winning” mentality. Love it!

  4. I can relate to this actually a lot. When I had to gain weight for swim team after cross country, people kept saying…just gain all muscle…it will be fine. It’s hard and you do gain some fat either way. You look great and I know you’ll get where you need and want to be!

  5. ryderyoung says:

    Becca I truly love reading your blog, and find myself looking for the next post daily 🙂 Do you have any other competitor blogs you follow? I love reading how others deal with prep:):) Looks like your really adding some great size! Delts and Lats growing nicely!!! You should be very proud of all your accomplishments. It’s not easy to grow, and ‘fat’ is inevitable especially after a show as your intake goes up rather drastically. You know you can take it off before, and you’ll go through the phases of ‘Holy crap I’m ‘fat/wide/chunky’ but seriously the feeling of getting bigger is so priceless!!!! Can’t wait to see your continuous progression:)

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