I’m Not One Of the “Lucky Ones”

Posted: January 28, 2013 in Uncategorized

Is it just me or is any comment that starts with “don’t take this the wrong way” (or any other variation of that) is pretty much guaranteed to be taken the wrong way?

Last week I blogged about my latest checkin with my coach where… To make a long story short… I called myself fat.

I debated posting my progress photos, but in the end?


Yup… I went there.

Looking at that comparison now with a clear head and a solid prep plan in place I can honestly say yes, I FELT fat, but I know I’m not. Yet yesterday morning I woke up to a comment awaiting moderation in my email…


Initially I saw this and got upset… Then I quickly got over it… Then I found myself thinking back on it and getting annoyed.

Is this in some way saying I cheat/binge again? Are they questioning my dedication? Are they just saying “you’re fat”?

This comment rolled around in my head and bothered me more than I want to admit. But… When it comes down to it, it is what it is.

Some people are naturally lean.

Some people gain muscle easy.

Some people can eat whatever and still look awesome.

I am not one of those lucky people, and I’m 100% ok with that.

It’s been a long road to get where I am, both physically and mentally. Even on stage I’m not crazy lean and the chances of me staying super lean year round? Not going to happen.

Just simple logistics… I am working on gaining muscle and size. In order to gain muscle mass, you need to eat over maintenance. When doing so you’re inevitably going to gain fat too. Yes, it’s possible to minimize that by eating “clean” calories, but it’s going to happen and I accept that.


Yes, I work my butt off. Yes, I eat extremely well… But yes, I have enjoyed the holidays and my offseason.

Maybe I look soft, maybe to some people I look like I’ve “let myself go”… But in reality I’ve done none of the sort. I feel more healthy than ever before, I have tons of energy, I’m getting stronger and mentally I’m in a very good place.

The super lean body of a figure competitor is not a year round thing. It’s honestly taken me a long time to grasp that cold hard truth in my one track mind. I used to best myself up for getting “soft” and all that stuff post show, but it’s a fact of life. I’m not meant to be lean, and it’s not healthy or maintainable for ME to be that way year round.

Kudos to anyone who can maintain it, who naturally looks like that, competitor or not. But it’s not me, and it’s about time I put on my big girl pants and stopped letting the negative comments effect me.

At the end of the day I’ve completely 180’d my life. From out of shape, unhealthy and sick to whatever I am now… That’s the only thing I need occupying my brain space. Focus on the positive and let the negativity fly on by. Seems like a grown up thing to do.

  1. Victoria says:

    Thank you. Thank you. People in blog-world are always poo-pooing people who eat “TOO FEW CALORIES” and “NEVER INDULGE” and it’s like, people, some of us need to be that diligent to stay in shape. Every body is different, and as much as I wish I could eat more than 1500 calories/day and not be a whale, it’s not in the cards.

    And while you may not have the Best Genetics Ever, you do have the Most Amazing Drive and Determination Ever, which is way more important. What we do have is far more relevant than what we don’t have. Go kick ass.

    • ihearteggs says:

      Damnit, you’re making me all mushy before I’ve even had my 16th cup of coffee!

      Thank you so much for agreeing with me. I’d rather work my ass off than have it handed to me, and I’m not going to lie and say its all roses and sunshine and easy. Because its not

      Sent from my iPhone

    • I want to shout out to the heavens and agree 100% with this comment. You have more drive and determination then anyone I know.

      • ihearteggs says:

        Gracias Hollie! I could and will say the same right back at you. I look at training the way you do running. I know you’ve got a lot of crap with your injuries and cross training through them and it’s stupid. No outside source knows the right thing to do

        Sent from my iPhone

  2. kaykayla85 says:

    For every person who thinks you look “soft,” there are about 50 others who would kill to have the body you have right now. No matter what you look like, there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like it – too muscular, too lean, too soft, whatever. You aren’t training hard and eating clean to aspire to achieve someone else’s ideal physique, you are doing it to achieve your own – pay no mind to the opinions of others about what ideal is. I know that going through a bulking phase is a challenge mentally, but in the long run, it is necessary to get to where YOU want to be – just keep the big picture in mind.

    For the record, I am a competitor and even with the bias that competing inevitably gives us, I still think you look great and wouldn’t use “soft” to describe you at all. Keep doing what you’re doing, it will pay off in the end.

    And, for the record, people who mysteriously get more muscular and harder without training very much or eating very clean may be using “supplements” to achieve their results, which isn’t a fair comparison if you are an all-natural athlete.

    • ihearteggs says:

      Yes, yes and yes 🙂 the fact of the matter is a lot of people have the not so natural figure competitor “ideal” in their head and that’s not what I am

      Sent from my iPhone

  3. Tara says:

    WOW. This is why I’m too scared to post my own progress pictures on my blog! People can be so catty. You do NOT look soft. Like the commenter above me said, most people would kill to look the way you do now. When you first posted that picture I remember how shocked I was – not because you had gained weight or ‘gotten soft’ but because of the way you were talking about it. You made it sound as though you had gained 30lbs, but it’s just a tiny bit of fat to support your muscle gaining. You are so inspirational and I thank you for being so honest and sharing all the aspects of your journey!

  4. jen says:

    i’ve been reading your blog for a while and never commented, but i felt i had to when i saw this post. when you put those pics up the other day and were so hard on yourself, i was truly thinking you looked amazing in both shots, especially considering how different your goals were at the time each was taken. your drive to achieve and your ability to actually realize your goals – is so motivational to me personally. i come to your blog all the time because you remind me of how important it is to do what makes you happy and to SET GOALS for yourself. i’m similar to you in that i am always one-upping my last great thing. check! next? anyway, i just had to tell you that i don’t see you as soft or having abs, or whatever that girl said. i see you as a woman with a freaking plan.

  5. Nicola Joyce says:

    Does “Amanda” read your blog? Does she realise which phase of your contest prep you’re actually in at the moment? You’re right on track. Not that you need us, or Amanda, to tell you that since, you know, your coach is happy with how you’re doing!

  6. Nikki R. says:

    Ditto to all the above. You work so hard towards your goals and dreams, putting yourself out there daily into new territory just to advance towards one end. It took guts for you to even put it out there to your coach that you wanted a different meal plan to gain, and that’s what the pictures are evidence off. Not softness, but success in gaining; finding balance; and ultimately providing a base that’s only going to make you stronger and help you be exactly what you’re trying to. You’re going to rock your next competition, no matter what you place. Be proud. Despite some commentors, you have a lot backing you up with a great amount of respect and esteem. Rock on, girlie!

  7. I give you so much credit for sharing as much as you do and you have come a long way and keep making progress. Keep your head high and keep doing what you have been. You look fantastic.

  8. Noah says:

    Keyboard warriors…. what would the internet be without them. Unless they have stepped on stage they will NEVER understand the difference of competition lean and everyday lean.

    Oh and that looks like a simple gluten or sodium bloat to me, not added fat.

    Looking good hun, keep going strong.

  9. dotsie says:

    she “knows” ladies? she really knows diddly squat because she isn’t the person doing the actions.

    anyway, you rock, she sucks, carry on being awesome 😀

  10. I’ve been catching up on your blog and watching your progress, and I’m so inspired and impressed by you! Thank you for sharing your struggles and letting us know how “real” you are. I am new (that’s an understatement) to figure but I’m so impressed with your physical progress, and those two pics you posted BOTH looked great!

    Please keep up the great attitude! I know it helps me and surely tons of other people too!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s