Less than two weeks until WBFF Halifax.
A show I was walking into aiming for a top three placing and being exactly where I wanted to be.
A show I was entering knowing I had done this before, I had nothing to prove to myself, to anyone else. I was getting on stage knowing I poured my heart into this prep, and this lifestyle for over a year and a half with Blueprint.
I was so hyper focused on this goal, top three. I had an image in my head of exactly how I would look and feel… Only I don’t look or feel like either of those ideas.
In fact, I was feeling pretty awful.
At my insistence I pushed Jody to keep giving me more. I was doing double cardio and dieting very hard (for me). I chose to go on autopilot and oddly enough didn’t notice the hunger. But I did notice the stress, the pain, the constant insomnia.
Maybe it was silly to make such a huge decision in (my fourth for the day) a giant gasping sob fest… But even with my top three goal in mind, this has never been about a trophy. It’s been about getting my health back, the fact I haven’t binged in almost 2 years, the fact I don’t rebound, I feel awesome and like an actual athlete now.
And knowing I don’t have to prove that to anyone, I get recognized more than enough for my healthy lifestyle… I won’t be getting on stage in 2 weeks.
There is always going to be another show, but for me it’s not in halifax 2 weeks from now.