Nothing Left to Prove

Posted: May 14, 2013 in Uncategorized

Less than two weeks until WBFF Halifax.

A show I was walking into aiming for a top three placing and being exactly where I wanted to be.

A show I was entering knowing I had done this before, I had nothing to prove to myself, to anyone else. I was getting on stage knowing I poured my heart into this prep, and this lifestyle for over a year and a half with Blueprint.

I was so hyper focused on this goal, top three. I had an image in my head of exactly how I would look and feel… Only I don’t look or feel like either of those ideas.

In fact, I was feeling pretty awful.

At my insistence I pushed Jody to keep giving me more. I was doing double cardio and dieting very hard (for me). I chose to go on autopilot and oddly enough didn’t notice the hunger. But I did notice the stress, the pain, the constant insomnia.

Maybe it was silly to make such a huge decision in (my fourth for the day) a giant gasping sob fest… But even with my top three goal in mind, this has never been about a trophy. It’s been about getting my health back, the fact I haven’t binged in almost 2 years, the fact I don’t rebound, I feel awesome and like an actual athlete now.

And knowing I don’t have to prove that to anyone, I get recognized more than enough for my healthy lifestyle… I won’t be getting on stage in 2 weeks.

There is always going to be another show, but for me it’s not in halifax 2 weeks from now.

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Comments
  1. kaykayla85 says:

    Good for you. It takes courage to recognize when it’s time to go in another direction, especially if you already pretty far down a certain path. For me, competing is only worthwhile if it is fun. Once it started to become an obsession with perfection and constant anxiety about whether I was good enough, I knew a switch had flipped and I need to stop indefinitely to care for my mental and physical well-being. I’ve done two shows and don’t regret them at all…but 5 weeks before my third, I knew that I was done for the foreseeable future. You have come so far and achieved so much – you don’t need a trophy or a show to validate that. And you are absolutely right, there is always another show! Do it when you are ready 🙂 You won’t have any regrets that way.

  2. You have accomplished so much! You are beautiful! You are an inspiration!

    It takes so much courage to do what you just did. You should be proud of yourself.

  3. Sarah Nucci says:

    Go you. I keep debating (I’m just about 5 1/2 weeks out from my second competition). I’ve been pushing it – lots of cardio, not noticing the hunger. I keep doubting myself. I’m impressed that you have the will power to walk away. There are always more shows, and more time.

  4. Donna D says:

    I cannot imagine how hard of a decision this was for you to make. I hope your heart rests easier, and then you can kick the nasty insomnia that perhaps came from internal stress around it all.

  5. Caren says:

    Wow, that’s a huge decision to make so close. As I read your post, I thought to myself – what would make me stop 2 weeks out? It would have to be a monumental shift.

    I commend you on calling yourself out on your own behaviors, and stepping back for the good of your own health. There’s a gray line in this sport and it’s easy to cross over to destructiveness without ever realizing it.

    You did, and that’s a sign of healthy self-awareness.

  6. Wow Becca, I know this is a huge change for you and I am wishing you the best of luck in your future endevors. I won’t lie that I miss chatting with you and reading your blog. Good for you realizing you needed a different direction.

  7. Victoria says:

    Yep. There will be other shows. I’m sorry this one didn’t work out, but another one will. Stay strong, Becca.

  8. Tara says:

    You have inspired more people than you know by quitting this close in the name of your health. Smart, smart woman. There will always be other shows when you are ready!

  9. Feerlessfood says:

    I’m actually so stoked to hear this. Why continue doing something that- in the moment- isn’t making you happy and bringing joy into your life? You are an athlete, you are healthy, and if you did the show, I know you’d do great. But that’s not who Becca is- you are an awesome person and so much more than that. I’ve had to learn time and time again that I’m not just an “athlete”, but a guy that loves being fit… but also enjoys reading, spending time with my family, camping, adventure, and most notably, Ninja Turtles (yes, I capitalized Ninja Turtles, as they are a proper noun)

    I don’t know if that’s at all what you’re going through, but I do want you to know that I think you are really great.

    • ihearteggs says:

      Exactly!!! I’m not just a competitor. Something I’ve learned since moving back here is I’m so much more than that and dropping this show doesn’t define me as a quitter, it defines me as someone strong enough to say I need a break

  10. muffintop says:

    Wow, can’t believe this. Was it simply a case of the wrong show at the wrong time? I can only imagine how intense the pressure is going into a comp, but you are so close and on track… But you can only do what’s right for you, the decision can’t have been easy.

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