What Quitting Taught Me

Posted: May 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

Ok, so the biggest lesson is follow your heart. Hands down. If your heart isn’t in something, walking away can be the most empowering thing ever.

But rest assured deep down my heart is still on the stage and I will be back, so lets not focus on that right now.

Lesson number one learned: the transition from a prep diet to maintenance/building is a lot harder without the show.

After my last two shows I’ve enjoyed myself. A good breakfast out, family dinner, some homemade cookies.

Yes, there is no need to reward myself with food, but in a way that post show eating is seen as celebrating. I’ve been good the last two years enjoying myself for occasional treats but eating right back on plan the other 90% of the time.

This time though? Guilt. That first burger I had after deciding not to compete came with a hefty side of guilt and self loathing. It’s like I had finally started leaning out and now there’s no show to celebrate, wtf am I doing?

I was getting softer (… And fuller thanks to carbs) but having a much harder time adjusting. Thankfully two weeks later I’m on my way to being ok with myself, but still admittedly hoping some of the puffiness due to last weeks ummm… Excess… Will dissipate.

(But regardless, I wouldn’t trade everything that happened last week to be 5lbs less)

Lesson learned number 2: you learn pretty fast who really will be there. out of all those people who said they’d support you no matter what, often times those who mean it are the ones you’d expect to bail.

The general response to backing out of this show was resounding support. A lot of people didn’t understand it, but respected my intelligence enough to know that if I said I wasn’t in there was a damn good reason.

But then there was the few negative responses. My system doesn’t work, I’m doing something wrong, I’m cheating, blah blah blah. None if that is true, and you can call me out on any of that, but I think my results over the last year and a half speak for themselves.

And the worst… The “omg you’re not competing?!” texts. Upon my confirmation I explain yes I’m ok and feel good about my decisions. And then silence. For days. For two weeks. Oh, remember how we said we’d always be there for each other? I meant it, would have been awesome if you did too.

Live and learn and surround yourself with those people worth your time and energy. There’s no use in stressing over other people’s choices to peace out.

  1. I would never call it quitting. I think its listening. You have to listen to your body. I have walked away from more than one show. Not because I wasn’t capable of being ready for the stage physically but because I was listening to my body and mentally I wasn’t there. It takes COURAGE to do that. I applaud you. I think it takes strength to be able to do that rather than go through with something “just because” you’re supposed to! Take the time you need, and the stage will always be there for you, and so will your real friends.

  2. I feel kind of weird putting all of this out there in your blog, but I don’t see a way to contact you privately so I’ll just go for it here.

    I’m a powerlifter. I competed in the 114 weight class twice since I started powerlifting (April of 2012), then competed at 105 and ranked at a tie for fifth in the nation at that weight class after competing with a 611 total in April. I had to cut weight to make 105, and I had to manipulate my water retention levels (including a longer-than-24-hour-fast session, with a 24 hour no-drinking session) to make it. It was awful. And then I had to lift to the best of my ability after going through that. Could I be incredibly competitive at 105? Yes. Was it destroying me mentally? Yes. In all honesty, I’d rather have more muscle mass on me–I don’t really like keeping my body size that low. But I was earning respect and attention for the work I was doing at 105, and I lost that. I also lost the incredible amount of self-punishment I was exacting on myself mentally every day, worrying about making the weight, training on a deficit, etc. My body and my mind don’t want to be there. So I’m going to take a step down, and my, uh, “competition” can run around holding a victory flag, I guess.

    I wish I could express how absolutely I understand you in this moment, with this choice you’ve made. I’m going to keep competing, but I’m also going to bulk (ughhh, I don’t even really know how to do that) and I probably won’t be competitive again or lean again for a while.

  3. You can only do what makes you happy and I’m glad you are doing that. Whatever you choose will always be there for you. Running…competing…do what makes you happy. That stinks that certain people aren’t there for you but it is nice to know the most important ones are.
    (like me obviously 😉

  4. chouka says:

    People come in our lives to teach us something. Some will stay, some will got. But from each one you learn a life lesson and grow from it!!!

  5. The maintenance / building part has to be the most enjoyable part, eating to get bigger, stronger, faster. Take some time to enjoy that part of it I think

  6. Don’t worry about what others think or have to say (or lack of). You have to do what’s best for you and as long as you are happy and know that the choice you made is best for you now…that is all that matters. I still think you ROCK!

  7. Aw, it must be really hard getting used to actually gaining weight and fullness, even though it’s perfectly normal. We are so conditioned by this mindset to be as slim as possible, with low body fat, that it’s so hard to even comprehend what is normal already. But it’s perfectly fine, and it’s okay that you’re walking away from the competition, because you know yourself best.

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