Learning to Be Ok With Being Just Me

Posted: November 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

This week has been a bit crazy. After being away all weekend there was errands to run, workouts to get in, date nights to be had… And you know, that whole work thing… Which has admittedly been a bit of a tough week.

My point is however, it’s been pretty go go go, and because of that I really haven’t stopped to think about… The consequences?? … Of deciding to step away from competing. For the last four years my life has been contest diets, clear heels, building. I haven’t had cake on my own birthday in 4 years and have dieted through every major holiday at least once.

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Do I regret any of it? Honestly, no. The last four years has been a hell of a ride and I’ve learned so much about myself and grown as a person more than I thought possible… But on some levels this is all I’ve been. At one point I even heard “rumours there’s a girl bodybuilder” at work… Yeah, they were talking about me.

It’s only inevitable now that people know I competed Saturday that they ask how it went… And the typical follow up of “are you doing Atlantics again?”

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No… That is the last show id consider doing again… But no, I’ve been honest and said that while I’m happy with my progress and what I achieved I think it’s time to take a break and work towards new goals.

This evening at the gym after giving someone that very response he said it was ok if I wanted to stop competing… “At least you’re still a babe”. Pardon me? Am I just a body and a face?

No. No I’m not and it’s my time to prove that.

Jason texted me earlier and asked what was up. Eating of course. Oatmeal of course. I will forever eat oatmeal as my bedtime snack. It is what it is. He asked if I was back to the grind or what.

Without even thinking I replied I just want to get back to normal. I feel better when I eat this way. Physically… But most importantly mentally right now. I just want to be okay with me.

I don’t want to feel bloated, swollen, sick to my stomach. I refuse to look like I rebounded and don’t want to feel like a post show failure. I want to be comfortable in my skin, and I know eating the way I have for the past two years is the answer to that right now.

It’s just a little piece of who I was sticking around for the long haul while I work on being on with me. Just becca. Nothing else.

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Comments
  1. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I can’t imagine how you are feeling but you have to do what is best for you. I’m kinda feeling the post marathon blues sans the fact I have no interest in running but having no goals right now I feel a bit off.

  2. fitval says:

    Great post! I think that sums up how a lot of competitors feel. Once you see your body complete ripped its hard to go back, especially when you think you will let others down. Its also tough to be in a sport that judges you only on looks. I am cheering for you! I am sure you will rock your new goals.

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