A big part of my new job is not working holidays. I’m not talking seniority to take the day off if I want, I’m talking my office doesn’t even open.
Except for today? Weird. I’ll take the extra cash this close to Christmas. Whatever.
Because of the holiday the busses are running on a shortened schedule. Meaning no matter what I had to take a cab to the office, and would only have just about an hour after work to get to the gym. So I did the only logical thing I could think of and got up at 6 and did my 40 minute (4.25 mile) run at my usual gym before work and scrapped together a workout afterwards.
DB shoulder press 5×5
Leg extensions 5×5
Hamstring curls 5×5
Front plate raises 3×8
DB lateral raises 3×8
Romanian dead lifts 3×8
Felt a little rushed and it was busy, but I was immediately regretting that heavy of a squat for my first squat workout in… Awhile. Also very happy the run was over with because my legs were jello after this.
My immediate focus is on slowing down, very controlled and calculated reps. Saying goodbye to the ego and slowly building the weight back up. It will come…. Eventually.
The worst part of my run this morning was oddly enough not my legs or my head… But the swollen feeling in my eyes. You know, that gross feeling you spent far too long wallowing the night before?
Just before getting ready for bed last night I finally put on my big girl pants and typed out an email to Jody. To say I was a little emotional would be an understatement…. But then explaining to Jason the reason WHY I was so upset made it even worse.
I feel like a quitter
I’m afraid I’ll go back to old habits
Freaked out the last two years were for nothing
… And on and on and on.
I’m not the same person I was 2 1/2 years ago when I stopped working with dr joe and fell into old habits hard. I’m stronger, both mentally and physically, but most important of all I’m smarter. I know that one off meal isn’t going to make me gain 10lbs. A few days off from the gym is a break and needed sometimes, not a reason to punish myself with cardio and restricting when I do get back to it.
It’s easy to feel weak and afraid, and not so easy to make myself vulnerable by admitting these fears. I’m aware I’m barely a week post show and I should “cut myself some slack”…. But for me being free and easy with no plan is a dangerous route I’m not willing to travel down. I do know however that by expressing these fears, opening myself up and being honest about where I am mentally and physically is what’s going to keep me progressing and happy.
So that’s exactly what I intend to do