Downside to Cardio

Guess who got yelled at hardcore at work today!?

…. guess who didnt have a meltdown when she got yelled at hardcore at work today?!

This girl!

Baby steps people… baby steps.

… and botox… wow am I ever going to need botox for that whole wrinkled brow thing I do way too often. Or you know, just stop being cheap and get my bangs cut to have a quick cover fix?

Either way.

I felt a bit better when I woke up this morning, but fully admit that while I was almost out of coffee, I had enough to brew for an extra cup. So instead of just taking my travel mug for pre workout, I had a big old cup at home too. It was awesome. The genius at javamoose that thought of frosting flavored coffee deserves a raise. Or at least a hug from dieters everywhere.

I knew I had an email back from the coach this morning but totally saved it for once the laptop was turned on and breakfast was in progress. News… good or bad… is always better with food in your stomach.

Totally random fact… .when I get an email back from the coach or even just a general team email…. I let it sit there in my inbox and panic over the good/bad news until I finally suck it up and open it. I ALWAYS do this. I’m a giant baby. There. I said it.

Anyway, eventually I put on my big girl pants and opened it up. Not only did I get a great response on my question, but I also got some reassurance. I think a big part of my up and down attitude this week is being 8-9 weeks out. I’m panicking. I’m ahead, I’m behind. I’m never going to make it.

I guess I was feeling a bit lost. Part of me looks at myself in the mirror and how my clothes are falling off. The changes in my  body, how DIFFERENT I look…. but then part of me still let’s that stupid *&%^&$# number on the scale (… or what I ASSUME it to be) get to me and say “fat beauty queen” over and over in my head.

My email to the coach was just about my diet changes, just me being nosy about the changes and what the game plan is, but in his detailed response he also added in this:

In your most recent progress pics you looked as good, maybe even better than you did on stage last time – and thats awesome!  Its a real testament to the hard work you’ve put in at the gym and kitchen.

To hear the coach say this… at just over 8 weeks out was like… a giant kick in the motivation ass ya know? I can even admit I was a giant sob and teared up a bit just out of plain old excitement.

Things are changing, things are happening, I’m going to be okay.

Anddddddd…. deep breath.

I headed off to the gym feeling completely back to myself. I’m sure the extra coffee helped, but whatever. The only thing is…. Today is my friday, and now that I’m doing daily cardio I’m going through gym clothes a lot faster.

Needless to say to see the local bb-ing team training in their matching shirts (gag me) and color coordinated outfits I felt like the biggest hot mess hobo on the face of the planet.

I was literally flat out of clean gym pants due to my laziness at doing laundry. So yeah, ratty sports bra, old tank top, cheap gym shorts and the best of the best. The socks. Oh how those socks rock.

 

If that green color isn’t LOUD I don’t know what it is.

Sadly I think the fact I absolutely killed cardio and took my time stretching after only to realize I had about six coats of mascara smudged under my right eye only when I went to get in the shower was the worst. It seriously looked like my baby daddy beat the crap out of me for spending the diaper money on smokes… again.

I love how classy I am.

Seriously, if a guy can’t realize what a total catch I am they are just blind!

…. or maybe if they were blind ‘I’d have better luck considering how I dress in public lately.

Oh well.

The good news…. Becca is back to her old self and feeling goooooooooood

The bad news… she’s still a hot mess.

Some things never change.