Training August 25-31

Part of me worried I’d go into this week dragging my feet and dreading every last step to my 100 mile month. I made the decision to try and get in some longer runs early in the week so I could chill out and take it easy Friday/Saturday so I could rest up and mentally prepare myself for the start of another 100 miles month come Monday. As much as I anticipated the draggy-ness it actually didnt drag at all and I finished the week feeling actually pretty awesome (and accomplished) so that was a huge weight off my shoulders and made the decision to repeat the 100 miles in September a very very easy one. 

Monday August 25:

• 6 miles in the AM. Pretty draggy. I spent all of the previous day in cheap flip flops on concrete floors. not my smartest idea, but totally worth it for a trip to an indoor amusement park with the fam. I was very slow getting out the door, but still felt pretty good once I got moving. The only downside was a run in with a flock of deer in the dark fogginess. My worst nightmare.
• Back workout PM. Not bad. Not exciting. Just getting it done.

Tuesday August 26:

• 5 miles of negative splits. Even mile 2. Okay, mile 5 was only 2 seconds/mile faster than mile 4… but it was still faster. I felt pretty good here and was happy with it.
• Arms AND legs PM. Supersets and drops sets. Some leg press and extensions/hamstring curls. This was the beginning of me training legs for real again. I started out a bit light because I know how I tend to go a little overboard and if I can’t stand up how can I run?

Wednesday August 27:

• 6 morning miles. As per my DailyMile… Tired legs. Much slow 

Thursday August 28:

• 35 minutes of cross training in the morning. Bike/Stair sprints.  Still no desire to run on a treadmill. That’s totally okay.
• PM: Avoided running a mile for a Track Club event by writing down the finishers names. That was a close call.  

Friday August 29:

• 3 miles pre-work. It’s weird that 3 miles used to be my go to length and now it felt so short. It was absolutely FREEZING though (windchill was 6 degrees!!!) so my thought was quick 3-4 miles and get it over with. I took my old school winter short loop (aka a very public road that is plowed) and just ran. When I finished my arms and legs were beet red from the cold. Not impressed, nor ready for this!

mile 1: 9:30 pace

mile 2-3: 9:02 pace

• Post work shoulders. Very solid. All of this focus on my upper body while I’ve been chilling out on training legs so much seems to be paying off. In my eyes anyway and that’s kind of all that really matters right?

Saturday August 30:

• 4 miles. Sometimes the bare minimum is totally okay. I needed four miles to hit 100. So I did 4 miles. It was hot and I was way overdressed. I thought I was plodding along but actually ran miles 1 & 3 at my eventual half marathon goal pace. It’s funny how I had been feeling like i was getting slower and slower…. but then finished this month feeling so strong and like it’s finally starting to show that I’ve been running my life away.

Sunday August 31:

• Full rest day… I thought about the gym, hell, I even packed a bag when I headed out to do my running around errands and such… but alas, I chose full rest day. Unless you count the scrubbing of my floors on my hands and knees. Conclusion? There is no way to make 3000 year old hardwood floors look better.

Total weekly miles: 24

Total August miles: 100/100

I can’t believe I’m finally saying this, but I got my 100 mile month. It was a weird one.. .starting out so positive… then totally crashing and having a garbage week… then finishing so strong. Sure the fact I was rounding out my 100 miles probably helped this week. I feel like there is a whole blog post that needs to be written summing out this month and I’m sure it’s coming, but like I said to Jason at one point this week: maybe I’m finally starting to get this “running thing”.

Food wise, 100 % night and day from the beginning of the month. I feel awesome and so much better about myself without being a restrictive nut bag. It’s like I’m picking my battles, good on plan healthy meal… have some sorbet after dinner once a week… or like wednesday night, go out and have the fantastic delicious burger, but skip the icecream. Moderation. crazyyyyyyy idea.

So that’s that. The end of the week and the end of August. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m ready for some slightly less humid (but not cold!!!) mornings and another solid month of running.

Training August 18-24

Better late than never right?

This was definitely a busy week. Family plans, date nights, a pretty big bombshell at work that still is a little up in the air. Added stress and all that, but I got in all my runs/miles that I had planned and came close enough on the gym. September will definitely be a month of working on being more consistent in the gym…. and training legs for real instead of a set here and there. Oops.

Monday August 18:

• 5 miles in the AM. Very consistent 9:36-9:42 pace for this one. Finally felt like I was back on track and it was “easier”. Not perfect and I can tell the volume is effecting my legs a bit speed wise (who am I kidding using words like speed) but feeling good.
• Back workout PM. Very quick and efficient. I’m not one to spend hours in the gym like years past. I’ve been having really solid workouts with super and tri sets and leave feeling “done”

Tuesday August 19:

• 5 miles of awesome (compared to last weeks suck) in the AM. Miles 1-3 were at a comfortable 9:14-9:25 pace and I finished up with the last two miles at a 9:35-9:40 pace. Was definitely spent after this but it felt really good to have a “fast” solid run two days in a row.
• Arms PM. Supersets and drops sets.

Wednesday August 20:

• 5 morning miles. Tired legs after the last two days, but got it done. Kind of wanted to go for 7 miles in my head, but I knew as soon as I made the turn for my long route it wasn’t happening so I quickly reversed and headed towards home.

Thursday August 21:

• 35 minutes of cross training in the morning. Bike/Stair sprints.  I have had zero desire to run on a treadmill even though I had intended on speed work a few times a month. Honestly the weather has been awesome and I’m enjoying the great outdoors so I’m sticking with that until Canadian winters force me inside. 

Friday August 22:

• 6 miles pre-work. Started out way too fast (I blame that friday feeling) and kind of bombed during mile 3. Stuck it out and finished a solid five even though my head said quit about ten times…. and my legs said quit even more 
• Post work shoulders. Really good workout. I have no idea where this came from but it was awesome.

Saturday August 23:

• 4 miles. Thought about 5 but was pretty dead and craving a rest day. I got in my 25 miles for the week and was very happy at that.

Sunday August 24:

• Full rest day

Total weekly miles: 25

Total August miles: 75/100

Overall…. Decent. Very solid runs, missing one gym workout, but my priorities have definitely changed from two years ago and that’s just the way it should be.

Food was good. Frozen pizza twice, but fitting it into my plan and enjoying it (and not enjoying the ENTIRE thing) is really great for me right now. I’ve found my stride with my meals and prepping and it’s just become business as usual. I found the courage to haul on the green pants I want to fit into and sadly…. they actually are a size 0. Definitely not putting the pressure on myself to fit into them, but I can get them on and comfortably button them…. there is just no sitting down and they definitely do not fit as baggy as they should. 2 months to go so we shall see what kind of shape I’m in come October 22.

How was your week? Did you meet your goals?

My 100 Mile Debate

Last summer I tried to hit 100 miles in a month. I came close with 90-something miles, but never succeeded. Running was put on the back burner when I (again) entered prep but I always kind of wanted to say I ran 100 miles in a month.

Again this summer I wanted to achieve this… I came close with 98 a couple of months ago… But then running slowed down before I committed to 75 in July (and succeeded)

I know for a lot of people that’s not much. Hell, a lot of runners pull that off in a week, but for someone who started running 3 miles here and there it’s kind of a lot.

Declaring my goal of 75 miles in July really committed me to it and I actually stuck to it and followed through so I decided to make the 100 miles a goal in august. I started out strong and even with a bad week of quitting running and not quite hitting 20 that week I’m still right on track to hit 100.

As we close in on the end of August I can’t help but think ahead to what’s next. I fully intend to set another mileage goal for September and initially I told myself 100 again. However… It makes me nervous, I admit it’s been tough, I had some bad runs, I’ve had to get up even earlier… But to be able to say this weekend I finally succeeded in this big goal will be rewarding.

So what’s next? Do I want to be a little crazy and do it all over again? With no big commitments and cooler weather finally arriving I’m pretty tempted to do it. I set a goal way back when to double my 2013 miles in 2014 which would be 730. Another big month would definitely help me out in that department… But we shall see how I feel as I finish the last 19 for august.

what’s your next big goal?

About “Balance”

On one of my recent blogs I received a comment suggesting I check out/email a well known diet coach. This coach specializes in eating disorders and the like. At first I was offended because I knew exactly what was being implied… Then I was mad because “omg I know what’s being implied”… But the more I think about that comment, I more I realize how I don’t share everything here, but how truly different things are for me now.

Monday to Friday I tend to eat the same things daily. It’s easy, it’s a habit and I actually enjoy my food. Wednesday evenings are a crap shoot because it’s date night. Sometimes we take turns cooking, sometimes we have frozen pizza and sorbet. Balance.

The thing I find so different now is saying “balance”. There’s no all or nothing dieting mentality, no binging, no hunger.

That was once “normal” for me offseason. Pretty much an entire bag of tostitos, beef, veggies, tons of cheese. I would chase this with icecream and spend the remainder of the day on the couch, feeling sick… But worse, feeling sick with myself for going to such an extreme.

This is where I’m at now. Splitting a reasonable amount of nachos and having a drink. That’s it. Eating my part and feeling satisfied, not stuff and not disgusted with myself immediately following. There’s no restriction or punishment for days after, just another day.

I may not be perfect. I may still struggle with self image and wanting to look better in my clothes. To me, that’s human nature. Who doesn’t want to feel comfortable in their skin? I have no desire to have size 0 clothing hanging off me and chase abs, it’s not realistic and I’m ok with that. For once I have no outside motivation to look better, there’s no jerk guy who prefers me lean/bigger, there’s no looming show date, it’s really just about being confident and feeling healthy and active.

Maybe I’ll always have those disordered thoughts in the back of my mind, the fact I recognize them and know how impossibly stupid they are is what keeps me sane. There’s going to be set backs and “life happens” moments with food/running/gym…. But that doesn’t mean I need to go to extremes anymore. Enjoy the moment and move forward. It truly is about progress, not perfection

Today I Quit Running

I usually write my blog posts at night. I have more time, it’s easier… And well, I can sleep on it before hitting publish. But today, I’m choosing not to sleep on it and just be honest.

Anyone who follows me on daily mile knows yesterday was not a good run day. Sure I got in a solid 5 miles, but I let another runner’s attitude get in my head and I was just mentally over everything. I slogged through the miles and finished thinking “about time that’s over” rather than my usual “see, you’re glad you did that”.

So I was a little shocked when getting up was easy today. I didn’t want to lay around in bed I just wanted to get out there and have a do over. I planned on switching up my route and just running. No plan for pace or intensity, 4-6 miles of whatever I felt like doing.

Yet from the moment I hit start on my watch I was done. At about the 3/4 mile mark I looked at my watch and realized while I felt like I was running at an decent/usual pace… I was not. I was slow. Like really slow, even for me. That’s about the time I was really done. I told myself I could do this. I could manage 4 miles at least… But no.

I hit pause and walked… I tried to give myself a pep talk but all that I heard was “you’re slow. Why are you even doing this? You’re not a runner, quit trying”. I kept telling myself id run 4 miles… I even took a road knowing it would be a 4 mile loop, but I chose to take the construction/no go sidewalks/gravel as an out. It was a vicious cycle of slow run, hit pause, walk along, try again… Repeat fail.

There was literally no one else out on the road this morning. No one to see my fail. At 3 miles of running I finally hit end instead of pause and completely gave up. I thought briefly about sitting on a park bench before walking home. I knew if I did that the tears of frustration would hit me. I’m not a crier but today… It wouldn’t have been pretty.

So I walked the mile and a half home. Suddenly there was a ton of “regulars” out on the harbour passage. Lots of witnesses to me shuffling home. Still giving a half smile/wave and saying good morning. Somewhere deep down even though I quit I refused to be the same as the person who made me want to quit in the first place.

Today I’m frustrated. And mad at myself. I 100% quit running and can actually admit that. However, when I go to bed tonight I will still leave my 4;45 alarm setting on. I will still get up and put on my Nikes and get out the door. Today I quit, but tomorrow I will start again, left foot, right foot, repeat.

I’m not one for inspirational memes and such, but today there’s nothing more fitting than this:

I made a goal of running 100 miles in august. Sure I put it out there on my blog… But more importantly I made that goal for myself. I refuse to quit this because of a few bad runs. If I’ve learned anything about myself from running it’s that I can have bad weeks and not love the process so much, but that first run when everything clicks again will happen.

Until it does I will continue to push through and chase that feeling. I know it will be back.

Training August 4-10

I thought I would go back to what i was doing during my last brief blogging stint, tracking my workouts from the previous week. Hopefully this will not only keep me on track with my running goals, but also in the gym and with my newfound desire to clean up my eating.

Monday August 4: Happy New Brunswick Day! Since it was a holiday I was lazy and slow getting up. By the time I headed into town it was already hot and I had zero desire to run. Gym it was.

• 25 minutes cross training (bike intervals/incline power walking)
• Back workout

Tuesday August 5:

• 5 miles AM. I had taken two (oops) Benedryl to help my allergies and it zonked me out hardcore Monday night. was definitely feeling the effects of this, but overall. Decent run.
• Arm workout PM

Wednesday August 6: Wednesdays are my morning only days…. it’s date night so after work I usually head right over to the bf’s place to relax, although in the case of this week I skipped out of work early (planned, but still) and we caught an afternoon movie (Guardians of the Galaxy, awesome) and had a chill evening at home.

• 7 miles morning… Set the alarm a little earlier than every before with the intentions of running 6 miles… felt good, had time, did 7. Happy with this.

Thursday August 7: Thursday is usually my gym treadmill interval workout… however…

• 25 minutes cross training AM. Forgot my caffeine supplement, mental game off. Tired. Zero desire to be there. Did an easy cardio and went to work early.
• Shoulders PM

Friday August 8:

• 5 miles. Very tired legs. I was actually up and ready to go fairly easily but getting my legs moving was another story. Fairly slow and even paced but not that enjoyable.

Saturday August 9:

Full fantastic rest day. Usually Sundays are rest days but my bum foot has been a little off and was really achy when I got up, so no run, no gym…. Just errands, a little shopping, mostly of the window variety, and a lot of Gossip Girl on the couch.

Sunday August 10:

• 5 miles at the nature park. I haven’t run a full loop at the park yet this year. So weird. Intended on 2 loops (going for about 8 miles), but really just wasn’t feeling it. After one loop I was hot, could feel a sunburn looming and was just over it. Added a little extra to make an even 5 and then promptly removed my shoes to ice my foot in the Bay…. and then just to see what all the fuss was about I plopped my ass down and had an impromptu ice bath. Shivering was immediate, but it actually felt pretty decent. Thankfully I had my laundry in the truck so I had a towel, otherwise, oopsie?



• Chest/shoulders gym

Total miles for August 35/100

Overall, very pleased with this week. I felt decent and aside from a little bit of lingering foot stiffness on the right track. There’s been lots of icing and mentally willing myself to not be injured and so far (knock on wood) it seems to be working.

On the food front very solid first week. Saturday I probably had one two many rice cakes, but much improved from weeks past. That’s all I want, improvement and continued progress.

How was your training week?

Fit In My Pants Goal

Maybe it’s just me, but I tend to see a lot of bloggers who are clearly eating/training/working towards weight loss, but when questioned about it, they laugh it off, deny that is the goal and say they are sooooo body proud and happy with who they are…. then suddenly 3 months later “look at the new me!" posts start popping up, before and afters, how I did it, why I did it, you know “I’m REALLY being honest this time, I said I wasn’t happy with my body but now I totes am LOLZ”

Over it.

Which is why today, I’m choosing honesty.

To an outsider looking at me (and my lifestyle) I think they would say I’m average. Not too big, not too small. I eat healthy, belong to a gym (which I frequent) and I run on the regular. In a way, I feel like I can say those things are true, that now I can look in the mirror and not see the 250lb girl, but the everyday average one I am now.

With my job I luck out that I can wear yoga pants and tshirts, or if I’m feeling fancy maxi dresses/skirts (…. crotchless yoga pants). It’s very easy to be comfortable in whatever Lululemon or Nike outfit I pick out. It’s normal, it’s natural, it’s spandex. Sadly while the 9-5 is comfort, sometimes you just want to put on the nice jeans and heels and go out to dinner. This part leaves me feeling like a busted can of biscuits and pretty down on myself.

While I have no desire to go back to the ultra tiny, prep mode craziness of a size 0, I do feel like to be comfortable with myself and be confident and not stressed on my upcoming trip (which will involve wearing real girl clothes for 2 weeks) I need to clean things up. Admittedly I started in July, I increased my mileage to 75/month, I did an interval cross training session or two and slowly started cleaning up my diet. With all of this came a bit of obsession with the scale. I told myself I’d start with 5 pounds… then to go to 10 pounds… I know deep down that was driving me nuts. Sure, I did succeed with 5 lbs in July, but I’m kind of over the numbers game. It’s a head game and an unhealthy one at that for me.

So with that being said, I’m choosing to focus on a pair of green cargo pants I own. They are comfy, casual, go with everything…. and will be perfect for traveling. I have just over three months until we are on our way overseas and I know I can make this work.

The simple action plan:

• Continue running. 100 miles in August, will decide on September/October goals when needed
• At least 1 treadmill interval run per week.
• The usual 4 weight workouts a week. Nothing fancy, in and out in 45 minutes
• Continue to work on my diet choices. Monday-Friday is easy… weekends have been a bit off. If I can continue my trend of improving weekends I can easily still enjoy a burger out or movie popcorn if I wish. I refuse to give into strict “rules”

What you won’t see is side my side comparisons, mirror selfies, obsession or even really much mention of it. No pressure, no self absorbed crazy.

Really, nothing fancy, complicated or hard. Just putting one foot in front of the other and improving myself. Fitting into the pants for Korea will be a great reward, but at the end of these three months knowing I was consistent and dedicated to my workouts and lifestyle will have a positive effect on my mental health regardless.

So there’s my honest Friday post. No hidden tricks or big secrets here. Just one more step in the right direction.

What’s your biggest motivator for working out? Health? weight loss? Goals?

For the Love of Running

I find it a little funny when people comment on how fantastic it is that I love running so much now. Truth be told, I don’t love it. It’s hard, it’s unnatural, I don’t obsess over it like real runners do. I often go from consistent, great weeks of training to absolutely loathing the idea of one more mile.

But then… Why do I continue? Why continually set my alarm for sub 5am times? Why spend the money on shoes and gadgets and new clothes?

Because I need the challenge. The discipline. The out there goal that keeps me driving forward.

I spent so many years with a very strict lifestyle. Training, cardio, meal planning. Offseason and prep gave me goals and a set plan. The thing is, those goals were all subjective in a huge way. It never mattered if I was leaner than last time, 5lbs heavier, the best of my best… All that mattered was the judges opinion.

Running gives me goals that are directly related to my effort and dedication. Sure I’m not a natural and it may take me longer than most to reach my goal… But the fact of the matter is I’m still getting out of bed, getting out the door and working on my small goals day by day to hit my big sub 2hour half marathon goal.

Some days the last thing I want to do is get out of bed… But as cliche as it is, the feeling of accomplishment when I finish is reward in itself. Running is giving me an outlet for the time being, it’s allowing me to keep routine in my life, goals and dedication. It’s not always easy, I don’t always like it, but that’s just the way it goes.

Today I can say I like running. It will never be easy, but I don’t hate it as much as I once did. Whether or not I ever cross the line into loving it is yet to be seen, but I guess only time will tell.

so tell me… Why do you run?

The Body Talk

I have always been honest with my struggles while competing with the difference in my off season/on season body type… as well as the rebounds I suffered from early on. A big part of me thought that when I retired I would just coast right along into “normal person” territory and be fine. The fact of the matter is… no.

I think a large part of this stems from the fact I was not happy with my last showing. I was not lean enough and was frustrated and tired as my body (and mind) fought me hard the entire time last prep. After quitting back in May of last year I really just needed to get on stage, to 100% follow through even though I knew my body… and my heart… was saying enough already.

After provincials in November I knew I was done, and knew I needed to rest and recovery myself. I cut way back on cardio, only doing what I wanted to here and there for mental sanity/overall health, I increased my calories immediately to what should be my maintenance level and then slowly began increasing them.

In theory this really seemed like the perfect plan… but it wasn’t me. I was trying to force myself to be “normal”, to not track my food, to not follow a strict plan, to enjoy life so to speak… only the more I relaxed my eating and branched out, the less relaxed I felt. I was out of my comfort zone, I was eating foods I had pushed away for so long in some vague attempt to not be “that girl on a diet”. Over time I gravitated right back to where I was before… eggs, steak, turkey, fresh veggies, sweet potatoes…. Old habits, and taste buds, die hard so they say.

I’ll be honest in saying that I cry over the state of my body very little now. In the beginning it was hard, knowing this was not an “off season” and there was not going to be a golden prep at the end of the cycle to lean out and feel good about myself again. I needed to work on feeling good as is, a little bit fluffy, a little bit average… and a whole lot of no longer a size 0.

Last week I got an email from Old Navy saying they had khakis on sale for 15$. Thanks to Pinterest I’ve been planning outfits and such for my trip to Korea and black skinny pants are a frequent pin… so I decided to suck it up and go try on real people clothes (full disclosure…. I wear yoga pants 99% of the time). Surprisingly I actually needed to get a size two down from what I thought I would need, and was told I should probably have even gone one smaller. That little boost of confidence made me feel like myself again, like I CAN look good in real clothes without being super lean and in prep.

Yesterday I talked about my running goals… today I talk about my lifestyle goals. I’m going back to basics. Yes, I went through my old emails and picked out an offseason set of macros from my days with Dr. Joe. I have a tracking sheet, my meals planned on myfitnesspal and a need to fuel my body for both my running goals and my mental state. There is no number on a scale I’m chasing, no sparkly bikini or photoshoot…. Just a regular person who wants to feel comfortable in her own skin… for real.

Returning with 100 Miles

There comes a point where blogging has become so sporadic and then non-existent that there’s no point in “sorry-not-sorry” excuses and big huge back stories.Let’s be real here anyway, if I got into all of that in my first blog back it would kill a good weeks worth of life update blog posts…. so if you’re expecting that, move along.

And if you’re new here… or just need a refresher… here’s the short form details.

• “retired” figure competitor
• occasional runner
• East Coast living
• wannabe world traveller
• big goal chasing

That’s the easiest way to put it… and since I never like to do anything in order, I’ll expand on the last point first. 

At the end of June I was in a major running rut. I had a couple of good months post foot injury and then… Fail. I was over it. I decided to declare the goal of 75 miles in July to get myself back on track. Admittedly that was kind of a big goal for the way I was going at the time, but I’ve never been one to half ass things. 

With one day to go, I hit my goal. I chose to cross train July 31, 2014 and ponder my next move. I had a very slow first two weeks of July so I knew I could do a lot more. After thinking and talking it over I decided I was probably certifiably crazy and decided on 100 miles in August. 

I’ve had a very solid start to the month, 13 miles down in the first three days. With running I definitely tend to be an all in… then all out type so keeping up this momentum and moving along could be a challenge, but I think I can handle it. 

So that’s where I’ll leave it at for now. What better way to return to blogging than declaring a lofty goal and committing to following through with it…. and writing about the ups and downs of the process. 

Feel free to tell me I’m crazy.. or what you’d like to see here on the blog… or that you’d prefer I just faded back into non-existent writing. I can handle it.