Training August 11-17

Posted: August 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

Well… This definitely wasn’t the week I was planning on. After the whole “I quit” thing on Tuesday I really didn’t know what to expect. I ended up with two full rest days due to weather/life/necessity/allergies kicking me ass but feel 100% better because of that. So while this may have been a bit of a “lighter” week overall, I’m pretty much right on target with where I should be mileage wise at this point. Yes, I am going to have to put in two weeks of solid 25 mile weeks…. but that’s not going to be an issue.

Why not? … because I said so.

Monday August 11:

  • 5 miles in the AM. This was the run where my head got the better of me and while I finished fairly ok overall, I knew my heart/head were all over the place in regards to running. It wasn’t pretty, but it got done in other words.
  • Back workout PM. This was actually pretty decent. I started leaving my ego at the door of the gym quite awhile ago when honestly… I just stopped giving any thought to what other people thought of me. I’m “retired” with zero intentions of training anymore. I don’t feel the need to talk about mega lifts and how many pull-ups I can do. I’m going to the gym and training because I want to enjoy it. I’m slowing things down, trying different tempos and just doing what I want and oddly enough, I’m still seeing results.

Tuesday August 12:

  • 3 miles of suck…. plus a mile and a half walk home after I totally quit. Sob story, whiny, cranky baby moment.
  • Arms PM. I haven’t been training arms other than a few little bits of accessory work on back or chest day but have recently added this in to keep bringing up and balancing my upper body. Plus who doesn’t like bicep curls?
  • 15 minutes of interval cross training at night to perk me up after the morning run

Wednesday August 13:

  • 6 morning miles. Not 100% but compared to Tuesday morning way better. I didn’t pay too much attention to time but had consistent paces and effort levels throughout. I needed this run to get my head on straight, I knew if I took Wednesday off and allowed myself to wallow in the crappiness of my previous run I’d get into my old routine funk of i hate running, running is stupid, i don’t want to do this anymore…. and then one rest day would turn into two… and then three… and then 6 months.

Thursday August 14:

  • 30 minutes of cross training in the morning. Didn’t feel like a treadmill run, so didn’t force it. Just wanted to move.
  • Shoulders after work. Solid workout. Nothing crazy.

Friday August 15:

  • Full rest day. down pouring when I woke up 15 minutes before my 4:45 alarm. Heavy rain warning in effect. F-that. Reset alarm and went back to bed.
  • Pre-season hockey game after work. Priorities

Saturday August 16:

  • Another full rest day. Quick trip to the States, costco run, couch. In other words, winning at life

Sunday August 17:

  • Two miles of treadmill intervals. Nothing big or crazy, just wanted to get in a few miles to push me past the halfway mark of my August goal.
  • Chest/shoulder workout. Yes, training shoulders twice a week again… someday I’ll have shoulders… someday.

Total weekly miles: 16

Total August miles: 51/100

Overall…. low mileage week, but still pushing on. I WILL make my goal.

Food wise much much much better this week. Especially on the weekend. There was treats (um, icecream), but overall very happy with my consistency and control right now. I feel way better than before about myself, regardless of number on a scale or item of clothing I’m wearing. Yes, I did wear jeans out Friday night and was quite comfortable, but really it’s just the attitude I have towards myself that the biggest change. When I know I’m consistently working out and eating right for my goals my self esteem and attitude is like night and day from when I have some time off/bad weeks. I’ll take it.

How was your week? Did you meet your goals?

Today I Quit Running

Posted: August 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

I usually write my blog posts at night. I have more time, it’s easier… And well, I can sleep on it before hitting publish. But today, I’m choosing not to sleep on it and just be honest.

Anyone who follows me on daily mile knows yesterday was not a good run day. Sure I got in a solid 5 miles, but I let another runner’s attitude get in my head and I was just mentally over everything. I slogged through the miles and finished thinking “about time that’s over” rather than my usual “see, you’re glad you did that”.

So I was a little shocked when getting up was easy today. I didn’t want to lay around in bed I just wanted to get out there and have a do over. I planned on switching up my route and just running. No plan for pace or intensity, 4-6 miles of whatever I felt like doing.

Yet from the moment I hit start on my watch I was done. At about the 3/4 mile mark I looked at my watch and realized while I felt like I was running at an decent/usual pace… I was not. I was slow. Like really slow, even for me. That’s about the time I was really done. I told myself I could do this. I could manage 4 miles at least… But no.

I hit pause and walked… I tried to give myself a pep talk but all that I heard was “you’re slow. Why are you even doing this? You’re not a runner, quit trying”. I kept telling myself id run 4 miles… I even took a road knowing it would be a 4 mile loop, but I chose to take the construction/no go sidewalks/gravel as an out. It was a vicious cycle of slow run, hit pause, walk along, try again… Repeat fail.

There was literally no one else out on the road this morning. No one to see my fail. At 3 miles of running I finally hit end instead of pause and completely gave up. I thought briefly about sitting on a park bench before walking home. I knew if I did that the tears of frustration would hit me. I’m not a crier but today… It wouldn’t have been pretty.

So I walked the mile and a half home. Suddenly there was a ton of “regulars” out on the harbour passage. Lots of witnesses to me shuffling home. Still giving a half smile/wave and saying good morning. Somewhere deep down even though I quit I refused to be the same as the person who made me want to quit in the first place.

Today I’m frustrated. And mad at myself. I 100% quit running and can actually admit that. However, when I go to bed tonight I will still leave my 4;45 alarm setting on. I will still get up and put on my Nikes and get out the door. Today I quit, but tomorrow I will start again, left foot, right foot, repeat.

I’m not one for inspirational memes and such, but today there’s nothing more fitting than this:


I made a goal of running 100 miles in august. Sure I put it out there on my blog… But more importantly I made that goal for myself. I refuse to quit this because of a few bad runs. If I’ve learned anything about myself from running it’s that I can have bad weeks and not love the process so much, but that first run when everything clicks again will happen.

Until it does I will continue to push through and chase that feeling. I know it will be back.

Training August 4-10

Posted: August 11, 2014 in training

I thought I would go back to what i was doing during my last brief blogging stint, tracking my workouts from the previous week. Hopefully this will not only keep me on track with my running goals, but also in the gym and with my newfound desire to clean up my eating.

Monday August 4: Happy New Brunswick Day! Since it was a holiday I was lazy and slow getting up. By the time I headed into town it was already hot and I had zero desire to run. Gym it was.

  • 25 minutes cross training (bike intervals/incline power walking)
  • Back workout

Tuesday August 5:

  • 5 miles AM. I had taken two (oops) Benedryl to help my allergies and it zonked me out hardcore Monday night. was definitely feeling the effects of this, but overall. Decent run.
  • Arm workout PM

Wednesday August 6: Wednesdays are my morning only days…. it’s date night so after work I usually head right over to the bf’s place to relax, although in the case of this week I skipped out of work early (planned, but still) and we caught an afternoon movie (Guardians of the Galaxy, awesome) and had a chill evening at home.

  • 7 miles morning… Set the alarm a little earlier than every before with the intentions of running 6 miles… felt good, had time, did 7. Happy with this.

Thursday August 7: Thursday is usually my gym treadmill interval workout… however…

  • 25 minutes cross training AM. Forgot my caffeine supplement, mental game off. Tired. Zero desire to be there. Did an easy cardio and went to work early.
  • Shoulders PM

Friday August 8:

  • 5 miles. Very tired legs. I was actually up and ready to go fairly easily but getting my legs moving was another story. Fairly slow and even paced but not that enjoyable.

Saturday August 9:

Full fantastic rest day. Usually Sundays are rest days but my bum foot has been a little off and was really achy when I got up, so no run, no gym…. Just errands, a little shopping, mostly of the window variety, and a lot of Gossip Girl on the couch.

Sunday August 10:

  • 5 miles at the nature park. I haven’t run a full loop at the park yet this year. So weird. Intended on 2 loops (going for about 8 miles), but really just wasn’t feeling it. After one loop I was hot, could feel a sunburn looming and was just over it. Added a little extra to make an even 5 and then promptly removed my shoes to ice my foot in the Bay…. and then just to see what all the fuss was about I plopped my ass down and had an impromptu ice bath. Shivering was immediate, but it actually felt pretty decent. Thankfully I had my laundry in the truck so I had a towel, otherwise, oopsie?
  • 20140811-083534-30934946.jpg

  • Chest/shoulders gym

Total miles for August 35/100

Overall, very pleased with this week. I felt decent and aside from a little bit of lingering foot stiffness on the right track. There’s been lots of icing and mentally willing myself to not be injured and so far (knock on wood) it seems to be working.

On the food front very solid first week. Saturday I probably had one two many rice cakes, but much improved from weeks past. That’s all I want, improvement and continued progress.

How was your training week?

Fit In My Pants Goal

Posted: August 8, 2014 in Uncategorized

Maybe it’s just me, but I tend to see a lot of bloggers who are clearly eating/training/working towards weight loss, but when questioned about it, they laugh it off, deny that is the goal and say they are sooooo body proud and happy with who they are…. then suddenly 3 months later “look at the new me!" posts start popping up, before and afters, how I did it, why I did it, you know “I’m REALLY being honest this time, I said I wasn’t happy with my body but now I totes am LOLZ”

Over it.

Which is why today, I’m choosing honesty.

To an outsider looking at me (and my lifestyle) I think they would say I’m average. Not too big, not too small. I eat healthy, belong to a gym (which I frequent) and I run on the regular. In a way, I feel like I can say those things are true, that now I can look in the mirror and not see the 250lb girl, but the everyday average one I am now.

With my job I luck out that I can wear yoga pants and tshirts, or if I’m feeling fancy maxi dresses/skirts (…. crotchless yoga pants). It’s very easy to be comfortable in whatever Lululemon or Nike outfit I pick out. It’s normal, it’s natural, it’s spandex. Sadly while the 9-5 is comfort, sometimes you just want to put on the nice jeans and heels and go out to dinner. This part leaves me feeling like a busted can of biscuits and pretty down on myself.

While I have no desire to go back to the ultra tiny, prep mode craziness of a size 0, I do feel like to be comfortable with myself and be confident and not stressed on my upcoming trip (which will involve wearing real girl clothes for 2 weeks) I need to clean things up. Admittedly I started in July, I increased my mileage to 75/month, I did an interval cross training session or two and slowly started cleaning up my diet. With all of this came a bit of obsession with the scale. I told myself I’d start with 5 pounds… then to go to 10 pounds… I know deep down that was driving me nuts. Sure, I did succeed with 5 lbs in July, but I’m kind of over the numbers game. It’s a head game and an unhealthy one at that for me.

So with that being said, I’m choosing to focus on a pair of green cargo pants I own. They are comfy, casual, go with everything…. and will be perfect for traveling. I have just over three months until we are on our way overseas and I know I can make this work.

The simple action plan:

  • Continue running. 100 miles in August, will decide on September/October goals when needed
  • At least 1 treadmill interval run per week.
  • The usual 4 weight workouts a week. Nothing fancy, in and out in 45 minutes
  • Continue to work on my diet choices. Monday-Friday is easy… weekends have been a bit off. If I can continue my trend of improving weekends I can easily still enjoy a burger out or movie popcorn if I wish. I refuse to give into strict “rules”

What you won’t see is side my side comparisons, mirror selfies, obsession or even really much mention of it. No pressure, no self absorbed crazy.

Really, nothing fancy, complicated or hard. Just putting one foot in front of the other and improving myself. Fitting into the pants for Korea will be a great reward, but at the end of these three months knowing I was consistent and dedicated to my workouts and lifestyle will have a positive effect on my mental health regardless.

So there’s my honest Friday post. No hidden tricks or big secrets here. Just one more step in the right direction.

What’s your biggest motivator for working out? Health? weight loss? Goals?

For the Love of Running

Posted: August 6, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

I find it a little funny when people comment on how fantastic it is that I love running so much now. Truth be told, I don’t love it. It’s hard, it’s unnatural, I don’t obsess over it like real runners do. I often go from consistent, great weeks of training to absolutely loathing the idea of one more mile.

But then… Why do I continue? Why continually set my alarm for sub 5am times? Why spend the money on shoes and gadgets and new clothes?

Because I need the challenge. The discipline. The out there goal that keeps me driving forward.

I spent so many years with a very strict lifestyle. Training, cardio, meal planning. Offseason and prep gave me goals and a set plan. The thing is, those goals were all subjective in a huge way. It never mattered if I was leaner than last time, 5lbs heavier, the best of my best… All that mattered was the judges opinion.

Running gives me goals that are directly related to my effort and dedication. Sure I’m not a natural and it may take me longer than most to reach my goal… But the fact of the matter is I’m still getting out of bed, getting out the door and working on my small goals day by day to hit my big sub 2hour half marathon goal.

Some days the last thing I want to do is get out of bed… But as cliche as it is, the feeling of accomplishment when I finish is reward in itself. Running is giving me an outlet for the time being, it’s allowing me to keep routine in my life, goals and dedication. It’s not always easy, I don’t always like it, but that’s just the way it goes.

Today I can say I like running. It will never be easy, but I don’t hate it as much as I once did. Whether or not I ever cross the line into loving it is yet to be seen, but I guess only time will tell.

so tell me… Why do you run?

The Body Talk

Posted: August 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

I have always been honest with my struggles while competing with the difference in my off season/on season body type… as well as the rebounds I suffered from early on. A big part of me thought that when I retired I would just coast right along into “normal person” territory and be fine. The fact of the matter is… no.

I think a large part of this stems from the fact I was not happy with my last showing. I was not lean enough and was frustrated and tired as my body (and mind) fought me hard the entire time last prep. After quitting back in May of last year I really just needed to get on stage, to 100% follow through even though I knew my body… and my heart… was saying enough already.

After provincials in November I knew I was done, and knew I needed to rest and recovery myself. I cut way back on cardio, only doing what I wanted to here and there for mental sanity/overall health, I increased my calories immediately to what should be my maintenance level and then slowly began increasing them.

In theory this really seemed like the perfect plan… but it wasn’t me. I was trying to force myself to be “normal”, to not track my food, to not follow a strict plan, to enjoy life so to speak… only the more I relaxed my eating and branched out, the less relaxed I felt. I was out of my comfort zone, I was eating foods I had pushed away for so long in some vague attempt to not be “that girl on a diet”. Over time I gravitated right back to where I was before… eggs, steak, turkey, fresh veggies, sweet potatoes…. Old habits, and taste buds, die hard so they say.

I’ll be honest in saying that I cry over the state of my body very little now. In the beginning it was hard, knowing this was not an “off season” and there was not going to be a golden prep at the end of the cycle to lean out and feel good about myself again. I needed to work on feeling good as is, a little bit fluffy, a little bit average… and a whole lot of no longer a size 0.

Last week I got an email from Old Navy saying they had khakis on sale for 15$. Thanks to Pinterest I’ve been planning outfits and such for my trip to Korea and black skinny pants are a frequent pin… so I decided to suck it up and go try on real people clothes (full disclosure…. I wear yoga pants 99% of the time). Surprisingly I actually needed to get a size two down from what I thought I would need, and was told I should probably have even gone one smaller. That little boost of confidence made me feel like myself again, like I CAN look good in real clothes without being super lean and in prep.

Yesterday I talked about my running goals… today I talk about my lifestyle goals. I’m going back to basics. Yes, I went through my old emails and picked out an offseason set of macros from my days with Dr. Joe. I have a tracking sheet, my meals planned on myfitnesspal and a need to fuel my body for both my running goals and my mental state. There is no number on a scale I’m chasing, no sparkly bikini or photoshoot…. Just a regular person who wants to feel comfortable in her own skin… for real.

Returning with 100 Miles

Posted: August 4, 2014 in Uncategorized

There comes a point where blogging has become so sporadic and then non-existent that there’s no point in “sorry-not-sorry” excuses and big huge back stories.Let’s be real here anyway, if I got into all of that in my first blog back it would kill a good weeks worth of life update blog posts…. so if you’re expecting that, move along.

And if you’re new here… or just need a refresher… here’s the short form details.

  • “retired” figure competitor
  • occasional runner
  • East Coast living
  • wannabe world traveller
  • big goal chasing

That’s the easiest way to put it… and since I never like to do anything in order, I’ll expand on the last point first. 

At the end of June I was in a major running rut. I had a couple of good months post foot injury and then… Fail. I was over it. I decided to declare the goal of 75 miles in July to get myself back on track. Admittedly that was kind of a big goal for the way I was going at the time, but I’ve never been one to half ass things. 


With one day to go, I hit my goal. I chose to cross train July 31, 2014 and ponder my next move. I had a very slow first two weeks of July so I knew I could do a lot more. After thinking and talking it over I decided I was probably certifiably crazy and decided on 100 miles in August. 

I’ve had a very solid start to the month, 13 miles down in the first three days. With running I definitely tend to be an all in… then all out type so keeping up this momentum and moving along could be a challenge, but I think I can handle it. 

So that’s where I’ll leave it at for now. What better way to return to blogging than declaring a lofty goal and committing to following through with it…. and writing about the ups and downs of the process. 

Feel free to tell me I’m crazy.. or what you’d like to see here on the blog… or that you’d prefer I just faded back into non-existent writing. I can handle it.